The NBA officially canceled all training camps and portions of the preseason due to the continuing lockout imposed by owners. While there have been a few rumblings over the past week or so that there might be some cause for optimism with behind-the-scenes negotiating taking place, few honestly believe the season will start on time and a growing majority believe at least some games will be lost.
Players have been warned by the union that they should put money away for a protracted work stoppage. They also have, wisely, kept their mouths mostly shut, learning from former New York Knick Patrick Ewing, who famously said during the last NBA lockout, "Sure NBA players make a lot of money, but we spend a lot, too."
But, what can bored NBA players do to pass the time? Of course, the responsible ones will work out, work on their games, do charitable work and maybe even play ball in Europe. But, what will the rest of them do? We have some suggestions.
We'll call this the Stanley Roberts rule. When we are on vacation, one thing we do is eat well, because nothing says rest and relaxation like eating french fries dipped in queso for breakfast as a primer for a day of hearty indulging. These guys could be working out, but they could also be pigging out and who knows when this damn lockout will end anyway, right?
If there is one wish we have for players during this downtime, it is that they Tweet as much as possible. One thing we have learned is that when athletes Tweet, good things happen, and by "good things" we mean really, really awful and hilarious things. Our favorite so far was from Delonte West, who Tweeted this when the lockout became official: "It's official.. Pride 2 the side.. just filled out a application at Home Depot.. Lockout aint a game.." Brilliant.
3. Smoke Weed
Drug testing is obviously suspended during the lockout, so it's time for NBA players to spark a vacation fatty. We caution them, however, to not take their act on the road, as in while driving, which is exactly what Marcus Camby did last week in Pearland. Have a party, but don't let the police catch you ridin' dirty.
2. Father Some Children
NBA stars have a propensity for making babies. Shawn Kemp and our own Calvin Murphy set the bar with children numbering in the teens and mothers nearly in double digits (that we know of), so there is plenty of time for current ballers to catch up with the legends, especially now that they have all this time off.
1. Take Another Job
Former NBA player Kendall Gill took up boxing when his career ended. We already saw Delonte West "filled out a application" at Home Depot (might want to check your grammar before turning it in, Delonte). With the money these guys spend on cars and children and weed, we're sure they could use the cash and not just from memorabilia shows. We could definitely see Dirk Nowitzki as a Walmart greeter or Chris Paul throwing peanuts at a baseball game or the entire roster of the Charlotte Bobcats working as police line-up fillers since no one would recognize them anyway.
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