Alabama head coach Nick Saban is known for a few things: winning national championships (two in the last three seasons), a steely demeanor (and by steely, I mean he's kind of a jerk), meticulous attention to detail (ask the Dolphins office worker who misplaced his Little Debbie snack cakes) and a hair trigger temper (don't piss him off).
You can't choose your parents, and I'm certain that being Nick Saban's daughter has its perks, but Kristen Saban unfortunately appears to have inherited her old man's temper.
And we have the court case to prove it!
It seems a couple years ago (August 29, 2010, to be exact), Kristen Saban got into a bit of a spat with one of her sorority sisters, a gal by the name of Sarah Grimes (also known in the Civil Division of the 6th Judicial Circuit as "Plaintiff"). On a warm August night, beers were consumed, things were said, barbs were posted on Facebook, and eventually punches were thrown. Kristen did most of the punching, Sarah's face did most of the receiving.
So what started as a nice game of "Power Hour" (a drinking game on YouTube) among sorority sisters turned into a melee that had one of the girls looking like she just finished a Singapore cane match with Abdullah the Butcher.
The short story on all of this is that a civil case was filed Wednesday by Sarah Grimes against Kristen Saban and is now pending in a Tuscaloosa court. You can read the entire filing online, and it's spectacular, chock full of cat fight specials like concussions, cervical strains, contusions, humiliation, and permanent emotional and psychological injury.
In fact, how about I go ahead and copy the whole thing here and just give you my running commentary. Sound good? (As always, you can find my comments in between transcribed items preceded by "SP."):
IN THE CIRCUIT COURT OF TUSCALOOSA COUNTY, ALABAMA 6TH JUDICIAL CIRCUIT CIVIL DIVISION SARAH GRIMES, ) ) Plaintiff, ) ) VS. KRISTEN SABAN, ) Defendant. ) COMPLAINT
1. The Plaintiff is over the age of nineteen (19) years; and she is attending the University of Alabama.
2. The Defendant is over the age of nineteen (19) years; and she is attending the University of Alabama.
3. In August 2010, Kristen Saban and Sarah Grimes were friends and sorority sisters.
SP: Key word here is "were" on both counts, friends AND sorority sisters. They were sisters in the Phi Mu sorority, but Kristen is no longer welcome there, and I'm fairly certain that a civil lawsuit has strained the friendship to where the two girls are not friends anymore either.
4. On Saturday, August 28, 2010, Kristen Saban, McKinnon Moultrie, Hannah Muncher, and Meaghan Williams were playing "power hour" which is a drinking game on YouTube, where you drink every time the song changes.
SP: Two things here. First, if you were filming a movie in SEC country and you needed to create an "entitled Southern belle" character, I'm pretty sure "McKinnon Moultrie" would be her name. Also, I'm guessing that, unless there's a Becky Gobbler or a Lovie Head on campus, Hannah Muncher has locked up the title of "girl with most 'behind her back, bawdy nicknames'" at the University of Alabama.
5. Sarah Grimes arrived around 11:00 pm and began playing "power hour." 6. Around 12:00 a.m., August 29, 2010, Kristen, McKinnon, Hannah, Meaghan, and Sarah went to the bar called Rounders.
7. At the bar, the drinking continued and Kristen's behavior became more erratic.
8. Kristen had been dating "BV" who was also at Rounder's that night.
9. Kristen became angry with "BV" because he was not paying enough attention to her.
SP: First, in defense of "BV," Kristen Saban strikes me as the kind of girl where anything less than "total fawning and a compliment every two minutes" is considered "not paying enough attention." Now, I will say that if it's late August and you're a guy dating the Alabama head coach's daughter, considering the perks that are probably available in the form of tickets and access on game day, it's probably wise to give her whatever attention is necessary to keep the relationship going until after the bowl game is over, or at the very least once the Tide have been mathematically eliminated from the SEC race.
10. Kristen, Hannah, and Sarah stayed at the bar until last call when the lights came on, and Kristen had to sign her tab.
11. The plan was to go back home to freshen up and then go over to a pledge sister's house.
SP: Closing the bars, and then going home to freshen up so you can go out some more. God, I miss college.
12. "BV" was also going, so Kristen wanted to go as well.
SP: She would not be ignored....
13. Kristen drove everyone back home where everyone gathered in the kitchen and had a snack.
SP: Because when you've been playing "Power Hour" all night, barhopping and drinking enough to be acting "erratically," the smart thing to do is drive everybody home yourself. Especially when you're the football coach's daughter in SEC country. What could possibly go wrong?
14. Kristen became upset with "BV" again, while talking over the phone.
SP: You know what? I take back what I said earlier about tolerating Kristen's shit. I'm 14 lines into a civil lawsuit complaint and I'm already sick of her. Hey "BV," take your student tickets, hang with your buddies and then just let Hannah Muncher give you a "muncher" behind the garage at some frat house.
15. Kristen was lying on the floor next to McKinnon and Hannah saying how everyone did not understand "how it was" for her and Kristen became emotional.
SP: Became emotional? I think she was already there. And if the "how it was" for her has anything to do with being the coach's daughter, I might request that I get to be in Sarah Grimes's corner for the rematch. Your dad runs Tuscaloosa and makes $5 million a year. Shut up, you little wench. Now, if "how it was" for her refers to something else like an eating disorder or herpes, then I apologize, Kristen.
16. After Kristen refused to get off the floor after several people had tried to help her, Sarah looked over at Kristen and said, "Kristen, please just shut up. We're all sick and tired of hearing it."
17. Kristen jumped up off the floor screaming "No one likes you, you don't have any friends" and stormed to her room.
SP: "No one likes you"??? Apparently, "I'm rubber, you're glue" had the night off that Saturday.
18. Sarah was laughing at this point because it was not unusual behavior for Kristen and made the comment, "You really need therapy."
19. Kristen then screamed at Sarah, "Yeah, because that obviously worked so well for you!" and then slammed her bedroom door.
SP: I don't know how therapy did or (according to Kristen, at least) did not work for Sarah, I just know that in about 12 lines from now, Sarah is going to wish her tae kwon do lessons had worked better than they did.
20. Everyone in the kitchen was used to seeing Kristen behave this way, and no one thought much of it.
21. About thirty minutes later, Hannah went to check on Kristen in her room and closed the door.
22. For the next thirty or so minutes, Courtney, McKinnon and Sarah were lying in Courtney's bed (across the hall from Kristen's) with the door open, waiting to go to the Waffle House.
SP: Okay, so the girls closed the bars that night, went home sometime after 2:00 a.m., rinsed off, cleaned up and got dressed again so they could go to Waffle House? Why bother? The windows of every Waffle House are so caked up with grease and filth, no one can see into the building anyway. On a down note, this would have made the girls the first people to ever shower within ten hours of setting foot in a Waffle House. It would have been nice to see that streak broken.
23. Sarah checked her Facebook via her phone and saw that Kristen had posted a status saying "No one likes Sarah! Yayyyyy!"
24. Sarah showed Courtney her phone, and got up off the bed saying "I'm done."
SP: Uh oh. "BV's" ambivalence toward Kristen started this downward spiral. It looks like social media is going to finish it.
25. Courtney cautioned Sarah from confronting Kristen about the status because of her known violent nature and previous assault on others.
26. Sarah stated to Courtney, "Well if she touches me, I'll kill her."
SP: Tough talk. Easier said than done, we are about to find out.
27. Sarah walked across the hall, with her phone in hand and knocked on Kristen's door with the palm of her hand saying, "You've got five seconds to take it off, or I'm going to tell everyone that you punched Daniel (Kristen's former boyfriend) in the face last week. Try me."
SP: So Sarah is not only angry at Kristen, but doesn't want the rest of Kristen Saban's several hundred friends on Facebook to know that "no one likes Sarah." (Yayyyyy!) Kristen Saban may be a loose cannon and a batshit crazy firecracker ready to explode, but I do think she might've been right about Sarah's therapy not taking.
28. Kristen did not respond but opened the door seconds later waving her phone in Sarah's face, causing Sarah to move backwards towards Courtney's bedroom door.
29. Kristen was yelling, "I took it off, I took it off!"
SP: Yeah, Kristen may have taken off the "No one likes Sarah! Yayyyyy!" status update, but that didn't stop her from creating a fan page for "Sarah Grimes has gonorrhea and gave hand jobs to the entire offensive line!" and clicking "Like."
30. Sarah responded, "That's fine, but we're done, you're crazy."
SP: Uh oh. Here it comes....
31. Kristen immediately used both of her hands and shoved Sarah into the corner of Courtney's open door, slamming Sarah's head.
32. Sarah defended herself by pushing Kristen into the opposite wall, saying "Don't touch me."
32. Kristen proceeded to punch Sarah Grimes multiple times in her head and nose, and to pull Sarah's hair, even though Kristen knew that Sarah had really bad migraines from a prior head injury from an automobile accident.
33. By this time Meghan, who was outside in the parking lot, heard the yelling and ran upstairs.
SP: And here we go! If this were a hockey fight, this would be where the gloves would get thrown down and Kristen has Sarah's jersey pulled over her head and is raining blows down upon her. If it were WWE, Jim Ross would be apoplectic right now -- "GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY!! KRISTEN SABAN IS STOMPING A MUDHOLE IN GRIMES AND WALKIN' IT DRY!! WHERE IS HANNAH MUNCHER?!? WHERE IS MUNCHER?!?"
34. Sarah screamed "I'm calling the cops!"
SP: So much for "killing" her. Damn, Grimes. You're all talk. I'm now starting to actually like Kristen Saban right about here in a Cactus Jack/hardcore ECW heel kind of way. Damn, 15 lines ago, I hated her. I can't make up my mind. I'm like the Dwight Howard of catfights.
35. Kristen's grip on Sarah's hair prevented Sarah from getting away and they moved down the hall toward the kitchen as Sarah tried to get away.
36. After multiple blows to Sarah's face, Hannah intervened and tried to pull Kristen away but was unable to do so due to Kristen's grip of Sarah's hair and Kristen refused to stop hitting Sarah.
SP: Apparently, if we were ranking grip strength, Kristen Saban ranks somewhere between an Adrian Peterson handshake and the jaws of life. Sweet Jesus.
37. The screaming woke up Beth Terry, who immediately jumped in to help pull Kristen off from behind (Beth's shirt was ripped and stained with Sarah's blood).
38. It took both Beth Terry and Hannah Muncher to pull Kristen off of Sarah.
SP: I don't know Beth, but her shirt being ripped just got me a little excited. Not gonna lie. Please, no one send me real pictures of her. I'm just going to pick the first hot girl I see on Poon of the SEC and pretend that's her. Don't spoil it for me, please.
39. Once Kristen stopped hitting Sarah, Sarah saw a large amount on blood on the wood floor.
40. Sarah looked down and noticed a great amount of blood was running down her chest and into her bra.
41. Sarah felt her nose and realized that the blood was coming from it.
42. Kristen turned to go back to her room, picking Sarah's phone up off the floor and throwing it into the wall, attempting to break it.
SP: "If I can't break your nose, I'm surely gonna break your PHONE!!"
43. Sarah followed Kristen along with the other witnesses into her bedroom to talk to her and found her lying on the floor to the left of her bed, with her eyes closed and crying.
44. When Sarah caught a glimpse of her face in the mirror from her bathroom, she saw that her temple had swollen to the size of a tennis ball, which was extremely alarming to Sarah.
SP: Um, yeah, I can imagine a tennis ball growing out of the side of your head would be extremely alarming. I also think this is a bit of an exaggeration. Hold a tennis ball up to your head on your temple. If you had a bump that big, you would immediately run and call 9-1-1, right? You wouldn't.....
45. Sarah kneeled down on the floor next to Kristen and calmly said, "Open your eyes and look at my face"
46. Kristen slightly sat up, opened her eyes, and Sarah said "I would never do this to you."
SP:.....kneel down gently next to the person who just gifted you said tennis ball-sized welt and try to softly reason with her. Marble-sized, maybe. I'll even go golf ball-sized. But I'm calling bullshit on tennis ball-sized bump. Sorry, Sarah.
47. Kristen responded, "You grabbed my throat!"
48. Sarah told Kristen that she did that in self-defense because Kristen had thrown Sarah into the door frame and Sarah had to get Kristen off of her.
49. Kristen's eyes appeared to roll back into her head as if she had just realized the severity of the situation, and Kristen fell back and started crying again.
50. Sarah then told Kristen that she (Sarah) needed to go to the hospital.
51. After Courtney agreed that Sarah needed to get checked out, Kristen began hysterically crying louder and screaming "I'm going to jail!" over and over.
SP: I don't know what exactly Nick Saban's daughter would have to do to go to jail in Tuscaloosa, but I'm pretty sure "beating the shit out of Sarah Grimes" is WAAAAYYYY below the line. (Hell, I'm pretty sure dismembering the school president in front of Bear Bryant's statue is below the line.)
52. Sarah went to DCH, the trauma hospital in Tuscaloosa.
53. Sarah was taken to the hospital by Courtney Reigel, Beth Terry, and McKinnon Moultrie.
54. Sarah reported that she had been assaulted by her friend who had hit Sarah's face repeatedly with her fists.
55. Sarah also reported that she had been bleeding some from her nose.
56. The emergency physician observed Sarah had a hematoma to the left side of her face and abrasions were seen on the bridge of Sarah's nose and left elbow.
57. The physician diagnosed Sarah with an elbow contusion, a concussion, cervical strain, and headache. Later, Sarah would be diagnosed with a deviated septum.
SP: Admit it. You read "cervical strain" and thought it was a female thing. It's okay, you can admit it.
58. The emergency physician informed Sarah that her injuries were very serious and could have been life threatening.
SP: NOW who's killin' who, Sarah Grimes? HUH?!?!
59. The concussion was so bad that it affected Sarah's ability to concentrate and do her schoolwork.
SP: Built-in excuse for bad grades. I'll need a "before and after" on Sarah's GPA, please. Thanks.
60. University of Alabama police officers, Tuscaloosa police officers, and the University of Alabama Dean of Students responded to an assault call at the DCH emergency room.
61. The officers spoke with Sarah Grimes, Courtney Reigel and Beth Terry; McKinnon had left the hospital before the police arrived.
62. The officers were told what had happened.
63. The officers observed bruises to Sarah's left eye and took photographs of Sarah's injuries.
64. Sarah stated that she did not want to have Kristen criminally prosecuted.
SP: Of course not. If she gets prosecuted and goes to jail, then we don't get a rematch. Everyone knows that's where the real money is. In a rematch!
65. The beating was submitted to Judicial Affairs at the University and Kristen pled guilty.
66. Kristen was ordered to take psychological testing, an anger management class, and a no contact order was issued between Kristen and Sarah.
SP: Kristen would also be suspended for the first half of the San Jose State game by her father.
67. As a result of the beating and the head injuries Sarah Grimes sustained by Kristen Saban, Sarah has had repeated night terrors, anxiety, physical trembling, fears of dying from brain injuries, trouble sleeping, and intrusive recollections of the event.
68. Sarah also had an increase in her migraine headaches since the beating.
69. Based on the psychological problems that Sarah incurred from the beating, she began to see a psychologist for the severe emotional trauma that she sustained from the beating.
SP: So not only did Kristen Saban beat the piss out of Sarah Grimes, but she sent her to therapy. Ironic. Kristen Saban is a boss.
70. On December 27, 2011, Sarah Grimes underwent nasal surgery with osteotomies and reconstruction.
SP: That had to be a painful 16 months between beatdown and surgery. 16 months? Huh?
71. When the doctor performed the surgery, he could see the petition in the middle of Sarah's nose was deformed, was shifted, and it was a direct result of the beating that Sarah received from Kristen.
COUNT (ASSAULT AND BATTERY)
72. Plaintiff adopts and realleges paragraphs 1-71, above, as if set out in full herein.
73. The Defendant Kristen Saban did negligently, recklessly, maliciously, willfully and/or wantonly assault and batter the Plaintiff.
74. As a result of the beating, the Plaintiff felt physically threatened and suffered physical injuries, mental anguish, emotional distress, humiliation, permanent emotional and psychological injury, and other damages for which she claims compensatory and punitive damages.
WHEREFORE, PREMISES CONSIDERED, Your Plaintiff demands judgment against the Defendant Kristen Saban for compensatory and punitive damages in an amount which the Jury finds reasonable and justifiable under the circumstances, plus costs and interest, but avers that the Plaintiff's claim is for more than $10,000.00.
So there you have it. How and why this issue made it this far, I have no idea. Nick Saban is a millionaire several times over. It seems a settlement out of court would have been the prudent thing to do (that, or hiring Rusty Hardin).
According to outkickthecoverage.com, Kristen Saban filed a motion to dismiss Thursday morning, which is fine.
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I'll just sit back and wait for the rematch. ROLL DAMN TIDE!
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