Conflict stokes people, especially when it involves a cat fight between two sorority girls at Alabama, and especially when one of those two sorority girls is the daughter of the head football coach, Nick Saban. The number of people that read my post last week on the civil lawsuit filed by Sarah Grimes against Kristen Saban bears that out. It was the most clicked on story on "Hair Balls" last week, at least at one point last week it was.
It is for that reason that I feel, in the interest of equality, I give Kristen Saban's response to Grimes's lawsuit equal time, if not in the number of words I type (This post will be considerably briefer than the last one), then at least in the number of posts dedicated to the topic. One for Grimes's lawsuit, one for Saban's response. Seems fair.
So here goes:
If you recall, Grimes's initial complaint, filed last week, painted the following picture:
* Kristen Saban was an out of control psycho-bitch who, when not openly whining about the lack of attention from her boyfriend, was starting fights with everyone from her ex-boyfriend, whom she allegedly punched in the face two weeks before this incident, to Sarah Grimes, whom she allegedly punched in the face during this incident. Repeatedly.
* Sarah Grimes was battered to the extent that she looked like some sort of crossover between Wile E. Coyote after ten attempts at capturing the Road Runner and Rocky Balboa at the end of Rocky II, up to and including a tennis ball-shaped knot on her head. Yes, according to her, there was a protuberance on her head that looked like a Dunlop tennis ball.
Because we are all sheep and we believe anything that is written on the Internet or filed in a court of law, we were sympathetic to Sarah Grimes as we waited for proper authorities to sedate and somehow cage the beast known as Kristen Saban. Saban's retort paints a drastically different picture.
Here are the highlights, block quoted from the response itself (Clay Travis of outkickthecoverage.com has the full response on his site.), and as always with my comments preceded by "SP":
1. Defendant admits paragraphs 1-3 wherein Plaintiff alleges that the parties were over nineteen (19) years of age, were friends and sorority sisters; Defendant admits paragraph 47 wherein Plaintiff acknowledged that Defendant Kristen Saban complained to Plaintiff Sarah Grimes immediately after the incident when she responded, "You grabbed my throat!"; Defendant admits paragraph 52 wherein Plaintiff alleges that she went to DCH Regional Medical Center in Tuscaloosa. As to all other averments in the Complaint, Defendant admits portions as set out herein, denies all others in toto or is without sufficient information to admit or deny them and therefore denies them and demands strict proof thereof.
SP: So out of a 74-paragraph complaint, Kristen Saban's contention is that three full paragraphs were correct, and those were the first three (age, agreement they were friends, agreement they were sorority sisters), which is like getting your name, homeroom number and date correct on a pop quiz. Also, parts of two other paragraphs were correct. So if Grimes's complaint were a test, she'd have scored like a seven percent on it. Basically, what Kristen Saban is saying is this:
8. Having seen or been told of the statement (apparently assuming it applied to her and that anyone visiting Kristen's Facebook page would automatically know that "Sarah" was Sarah Grimes) she screamed at Kristen through Kristen's door "Take it off! Open the f---ing door you crazy b-----, I am going to kill you, you crazy b-----." The Plaintiff continued to scream, yell and curse at Kristen while banging on her door. Kristen did not yell back, but sat crying and upset.
SP: So the person who is compelled to bang her fists on a door and scream about her intentions of killing someone all because of someone else's Facebook status change is calling the other girl a crazy bitch....got it.
10. According to an eye witness in the room, Kristen was "only defending herself as both of them were throwing punches, with not many landing."
13. At the conclusion of the altercation, described by an eye witness as "Pretty much an even fight," Kristen's nose was bleeding and she had scratches on her back. Sarah had a puffy eye.
SP: "Throwing punches, not landing many." Ha! I like how the eyewitness in the room sounds like she's ready to sit down as the third person in the booth with Jim Lampley and Larry Merchant and provide commentary on HBO. Also, if the account in the initial complaint (the one that had Saban winning in the equivalent of a first round TKO) is true, then there's a good chance the eyewitness in the room was one of the judges of the Bradley-Pacquiao fight. Even fight?
17. Plaintiff, Sarah Grimes instigated, or otherwise brought on this altercation by uttering hateful words to the Defendant; because she allowed a statement posted on someone else's Facebook page to incite her into advancing to Defendant's private room, pounding on the door while yelling obscenities and threats at Defendant; because she got inches away from Defendant's face yelling threats and bumping her in an offensive manner; and because she attempted to choke Defendant.
SP: Now, did Sarah Grimes overreact to Saban's trolling of her on Facebook? Probably. That said, Saban was kind of provoking here, albeit via chickenshit, passive-aggressive, social media methodology. So I find it funny that, according to Saban, all of Sarah Grimes's actions leading up to the eventual brouhaha were belligerent in nature, while Saban's Facebook post is made out to be some innocuous non-gesture, like the Facebook post has some sort of fight-provoking immunity.
20. The reason stated by the Plaintiff for going to the hospital was not for treatment for her bruises and scratches, but rather was to have it "documented" for an existing claim she was making pursuant to a car wreck that occurred on July 21, 2005.
SP: Gotta document those injuries! I'm picturing Sarah Grimes handing the doctor one of those small cards you get from Subway where they have ten pictures of a sandwich and each time you buy one they punch a hole in the card, and when all ten holes are punched, FREE SANDWICH! "Here, Doc, can you punch my 'pain and suffering' annuity card? Isn't today double 'blunt force trauma' points day?!?"
24. Family members described her condition after the wreck as one where at times she was dizzy, disoriented, nauseated, and unresponsive to directions and having short term memory losses.
SP: This would also accurately describe the condition of most husbands on a Saturday during college football season.
30. Contrary to the Plaintiff's allegation of sustaining a broken nose in the fight, her discharge diagnosis was a concussion, headache and elbow contusion. She was allowed to leave the hospital and go home under self-care.
SP: But wait, didn't she wind up having surgery on her nose last December? Why would she have surgery on her nose if it was unaffected by this fight?....wait for it....wait for it...
31. The Plaintiff eventually had surgery on her nose, but it was for cosmetic reasons.
SP:....ah, gotcha. Sarah Grimes didn't get her ass kicked. She just had an ugly nose. (Zing, Kristen. Zing.)
A STRUCK JURY IS HEREBY DEMANDED BY THIS DEFENDANT
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SP: If I'm the judge, I would listen. She's Kristen F'ing Saban, dammit!
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