The World Series of Dog Shows was held in Reliant Park over the weekend, and as always it provided a good, sometimes odd, look at dogs and the people who place them in competition. (See the full slideshow here.)
We got us a dog interpreter, who really just mostly reports that everyone wants more food, and he filled us in on what these dogs were thinking.
9. "The vest is not my idea" Has a voice like: Triumph the Insult Comic Dog "I don't mind whoring myself out for a buck, but do I have to wear an old Sammy Davis, Jr. nehru?"
8. "My pupils ARE NOT dilated!!" Has a voice like: Some X-ridden raver with a lightstick "NoWhyWouldYouAskMeAboutMyPupilsIDidn'tTakeAnythingNoReallyI'mJustHavingFunAnd...."
7. "Judges love this shit" Has a voice like: A very veteran beauty pageant contestant ""Can we just give me the medal now? I'm sure the other dogs are all very nice, but let's just skip to the chase, okay?"
6. "I've seen it all, son" Has a voice like: Wilford Brimley "Yayup, these flash-in-the-pan johnnie-come-latelys show up every year with the latest gadget or trick. I've seen `em come and I've seen `em go."
5. "She was a 10 at closing time" Has a voice like: A very hungover dude "I am NEVER drinking again. Really."
4. "Just another spritz, I think" Has a voice like: A Miami bubbe "You don't think it's too much, do you? I don't think so. Well, maybe just a little more."
3. "People used to take a little pride in their appearance" Has a voice like: A stuffy British banker abhorred with the younger generation "Back when I was fighting Jerry with Montgomery one knew how to carry one's self. None of this slouching and mumbling, and by God you looked elders in the eye when you talked to them and said 'sir' at the end. Hell in a handbasket, I say..."
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2. This is the cheapest-looking CGI ever" Has a voice like: Ryan Reynolds realizing just what he's gotten into with Green Lantern "Really -- come on, is anyone going to believe I'm flying? This green-screen stuff is not why I got into acting, and I have no fucking idea how my agent convinced me a Wizard of Oz remake was a good idea."
1. "I swear to Christ, the next guy that calls me 'Turd-Nose' is going to regret it" Has a voice like: Someone who seems to have a large turd on his face "I'm just as God made me!!!!"