No Shit

Okay, we’re clearly picking up this story in the middle, so please pardon us if we somehow don’t quite get this right.

In prison, you see, a common way to protest something (or someone) is to throw your urine or feces on it. Why bother losing a shoe when you can use nature’s own projectile, the logic goes.

However, we’ve just learned from the estimable news outlet known as Ghetto Bragging Rights (now featuring terrorists!) that, despite what you might believe, throwing feces and urine is not an acceptable form of protest in the outside world.

Or is it?

See, earlier this month in Ohio, a police officer named Joshua Miktarian was gunned down in cold blood. From what we can tell, some folks felt like spreading feces on the church where his funeral was being held, apparently because he was considered a racial profiler.

But that’s not the only place this “feces bombing” is going down, according to GBR. It’s also happening in Savannah, New Orleans, Manhattan, Philadelphia and – wait for it – Houston. (Here at the Houston Press, we’ve seen traces of this practice in our parking lot, but we had always assumed it was due to our building’s proximity to the Greyhound station.)

Anyway, some guy called St. Liar Nicolas Thief (clearly his real name) has a message for all his fellow feces bombers. Stop throwing feces, he says.

Or does he?

Look closely at the way some words are bolded and capitalized while others are not: “no MORE FECES & URINE BOMBS AT WHITE PEOPLE’S CARS & BUILDING.”

Coincidence? We think not.

So what’s all this mean? Good question. We leave that to you to decide. – Keith Plocek

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