No Shit

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Okay, we’re clearly picking up this story in the middle, so please pardon us if we somehow don’t quite get this right.

In prison, you see, a common way to protest something (or someone) is to throw your urine or feces on it. Why bother losing a shoe when you can use nature’s own projectile, the logic goes.

However, we’ve just learned from the estimable news outlet known as Ghetto Bragging Rights (now featuring terrorists!) that, despite what you might believe, throwing feces and urine is not an acceptable form of protest in the outside world.

Or is it?

See, earlier this month in Ohio, a police officer named Joshua Miktarian was gunned down in cold blood. From what we can tell, some folks felt like spreading feces on the church where his funeral was being held, apparently because he was considered a racial profiler.

But that’s not the only place this “feces bombing” is going down, according to GBR. It’s also happening in Savannah, New Orleans, Manhattan, Philadelphia and – wait for it – Houston. (Here at the Houston Press, we’ve seen traces of this practice in our parking lot, but we had always assumed it was due to our building’s proximity to the Greyhound station.)

Anyway, some guy called St. Liar Nicolas Thief (clearly his real name) has a message for all his fellow feces bombers. Stop throwing feces, he says.

Or does he?

Look closely at the way some words are bolded and capitalized while others are not: “no MORE FECES & URINE BOMBS AT WHITE PEOPLE’S CARS & BUILDING.”

Coincidence? We think not.

So what’s all this mean? Good question. We leave that to you to decide. – Keith Plocek

Keep the Houston Press Free... Since we started the Houston Press, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Houston, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Houston with no paywalls.

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