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Not That We Don't Love the Classics...

Think of all the money you'd save on DJs and koozies...

Blame it on the train, but this weekend I was stopped in front of a lumbering mechanical beast of burden when I flipped the station and caught a throaty DJ on The Arrow spouting a promo blurb I hadn't heard before:

"Like a giant iPod filled with classic rock: 93.7 the Arrow."

Huh? What kind of retronym bullshit is that? That's like saying, "Houston Press: like a blog, but on newsprint, and with actual reporting."

The Arrow must be trying to stay hip with the kiddos, which makes sense, since I know few people who kept listening to any of Clear Channel's classic schlock stations once they got out of college. And that brings us to another problem:

If the Arrow is like an iPod, there's nothing giant about it.

Don't get me wrong: I love classic rock. Nothing quite lends itself to air guitar like a monster riff jammed out in 4/4 time on a Stratocaster. But what gets me, and I admittedly am not alone in this sentiment, is that the programming geniuses at Clear Channel have decided that there are only five Zeppelin songs worth playing, that there are only three Allman Brothers songs that have stood the test of time, and that you'd better love "Dust in the Wind" because we're going to shove it down your throat.

A 1GB iPod nano holds 240 songs. That should be more than enough for the Arrow's playlist. Or we can even be generous and give them the 2GB model, which holds 500, to account for those times late at night when they actually play an entire album.

But we're talking nano, folks.

Perhaps a better slogan would be:

"Like a Clear Channel radio station marketed to forgetful stoners: 93.7 the Arrow."

-- Keith Plocek

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