Obama & Bill White: Five Reasons The Former Mayor Can't Meet The Prez

President Barack Obama is visiting Texas -- including Houston -- next month to raise money for Democrats, but Bill White won't be appearing with him.

White, in fact, has gone out of his way to be snippy about it, telling USA Today "I was in the oil and gas business when he was a community organizer," which we're sure will win him a lot of votes from....from....people who hate Obama but love Democrats?

Anyway, there are plenty of good reasons why Bill White can't be bothered to be seen with Obama during the visit.

Among them:

1. He has a hair appointment that day.
Just the usual, a little off the side and back and inside the ears. But it's a surprisingly time-consuming process.

2. He's still not totally convinced that Obama was born in Hawaii.
As some of our finest political minds have written: WHY SPEND MILLIONS FIGHTING THE CHARGES!!!11!!   WHY NOT JUST REELEASE THE BIRTH CERTIFFICATE??!?

3. He doesn't really know anyone in Houston.
Besides, the town's changed, man. It's all strip malls and chains now.

4. He always asks himself "What Would Rick Perry Do?"
Except on hair-care questions. (That's right -- two hair jokes!! We're rolling!!)

5. The Lufkin Rotary Club is playing hardball with the scheduling of their luncheon.
When they book a room, it stays booked. And you don't want to get on their wrong side.

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