One Day Into 2014, the Internet Gives Us Coolest and Lamest Houston Texans Pictures

For a 2-14 team, the Texans should be plenty newsworthy over the next few months.

They have a head coaching search that should officially conclude with an announcement on Thursday that Bill O'Brien is coming to Houston, and they have the number one overall pick in the 2014 NFL Draft, which should have us dissecting every snap, play, spoken word, and Instagram picture of every quarterback with a first round grade.

Most days, there will be no shortage of relevant Texans football talk. Most days we won't be forced to dissect a couple of random Texan player pics that showed up on the internet the night before.

Today, however, is not one of those days.

With New Year's Eve comes New Year's parties and with New Year's parties come New Year's poses. Now, I'm fairly certain that most Texan fans have no desire to see pictures the players from their squad partying so soon after the end of 2013's 2-14 debacle. It's like the wounds are still fresh for all the fans, so the players should be in "time out," unable to reenter society until OTA's.

That said, if there are two players to whom the fans would grant societal immunity for New Year's Eve, it would be J.J. Watt and Andre Johnson. While fans relegate every other player on the roster to an evening of being gagged and duct taped to a chair in their kitchens listening to "Blurred Lines" on an endless loop, J.J. and Dre get full forgiveness, allowed to wear what they want, go where they want, and pose for pictures.

And it's funny you should ask...yes, J.J. Watt and Andre Johnson were out on New Year's and, yes, they did pose for a picture together:

Indeed, the only two bright spots in a season with virtually none -- the Texans' two Pro Bowlers. One for each win. Meanwhile, just a scant few hours later, the internet showed its range. Much the same way Bill O'Brien is a polar opposite to Gary Kubiak in every conceivable way, so too, is the picture below the polar opposite of Andre Johnson and J.J. Watt out partying in expensive threads on the biggest party night of the year. Yes, Sam Montgomery, Alec Lemon, and Ray Graham have rookie trading cards. These exist....

Let's see if we can find five things more ridiculous about this picture than undrafted free agent, practice squad rookies Lemon and Graham having their own trading cards. Ready, GO:

1. Sam Montgomery apparently is blind in his left eye because he didn't feel the need to put eye black on underneath it. He went "right eye only."

2. Sam Montgomery's card says "DEFENSIVE END," but he was actually drafted as an outside linebacker, but was too fat, then moved back to defensive end where he wasn't fat enough, then he was eventually cut when he was caught allegedly smoking weed, which helps make you fat, but probably is not the way the team wants him to put on weight.

3. Sam Montgomery was a third round pick and ended up cut by midseason. Lemon and Graham, both undrafted, finished the season still getting paid by the Texans. (Lemon on injured reserve, Graham on the active roster.)

4. Is DeAndre Hopkins' rookie card a picture of a still shot from his Instagram, um, feature film?

5. Ray Graham's haircut, which looks like something out of a 1989 college football media guide.

So the internet giveth, and the internet taketh away. Just as we're reminded that our 2-14 teardown still has some elite pieces, we are shocked back into reality that this is also the personnel regime that drafted Sam Montgomery.

So cruel, internet. So cruel.

Starting January 2, 2014, listen to Sean Pendergast on SportsRadio 610 from 2 p.m. to 6 p.m. weekdays. Also, follow him on Twitter at http://twitter.com/SeanCablinasian.

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