OPI's Texas Nail Colors: Some Ideas They Missed

If you have ladyparts and have ever had a mani/pedi, odds are pretty good you’ve been adorned with OPI nail polish, and probably even bought some to take home. OPI’s built a strong reputation on not only its high-end but affordable and durable products, but also its clever little names such as “Ladies and Magenta-men” and “Melon of Troy.”

Huge fan of puns (and mani/pedis) that Hair Balls is, we thrilled to discover they’ve launched a line of nail colors dedicated to Texas. Eagerly, we turned each bottle upside-down to see each new name:

Austin-tatious Turquoise
It’s Totally Fort Worth It
Guy Meets Galveston
Do You Think I’m Texy
I Vant to Be A Lone Star
Too Hot Pink to Hold ‘Em

AND, we kid you not: Houston We Have a Purple

We called OPI Products, headquartered in West Hollywood, to ask whether their timing was geared to the upcoming Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo?

What egotistic bumpkins we are.

“We just highlight different regions or countries from time to time,” OPI’s Donna Squires told us.

What countries? What regions?

“Well, Swiss…and then there was Route 66,” she helpfully replied.

Hair Balls had indeed bought a couple of the polishes from “Swiss” — Glitzerland and Innsbruck Bronze — but we failed to notice they were part of a theme. Texas, however, has its own eye-catching display, as seen above in Ulta. However, we feel the line fails to adequately represent our big-ass state. The most blatant omission was no doubt a polish named San Antonio Rose (you could even put one of those French accent marks on it to make it sound like a wine).

Our state is indeed colorful, so we humbly submit:

Towns/Places: Lubbock or Leave It (dirt red)
Dealey Plaza Periwinkle
It’s the Bees(-ville’s Knees” (bee yellow, what else? A knee color??)
Third Ward Thistle
Katy Caucasian
Texas, O(range) Texas (twofer! Song AND city)
River Oaks Royal Purple
Denton Denim
Life is Just a Dustbowl of Cherries

State Symbols: Alamo Almond
Mosquito Mauve
Tumbleweed Tan
SXSW Cerulean
Six Flags Over Fuchsia
Dr and Mrs. Pepper
DO Pick the Bluebonnets (bluebonnet blue, natch)
You Cotton Bowl Me Over (cotton white, with flecks of brown boll in it)

Famous Texans: Nimitz Navy Blue
L.B.Jade
Dean Corll Coral
Hunt Bros. Silver
Buddy Holly Berry Red
Banana Nicole Smith (Mexia represents!)
Rick Perry-winkle

Others: Light Rail Lilac
Don’t Enron Out of Polish (clear, because nothing’s there)
Tea Party Taupe
Birther Blue

Reader suggestions welcome.