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Zapruder Analysis of Pacman Jones In An Incredible Airport Fistfight

Pacman Jones is not afraid to get into a fight in an airport.
Pacman Jones is not afraid to get into a fight in an airport.

When we look back at the first couple decades of football in the 2000s, there will be numerous improbable happenings that we will recap. The brief rise of the "Greatest Show on Turf" in St. Louis (which actually began in 1999), Eli Manning winning two Super Bowls, and Jon Gruden's haircut staying EXACTLY the same for, well, ever, all come to mind.

However, none of them comes close to matching the unicorn-like status of Adam "Pacman" Jones somehow staying mentally and physically healthy enough to play 13 NFL seasons (or more, if someone decides to sign him this offseason). Consider that Jones, a high level punt returner to go with his DB duties, rarely, if ever, called for a fair catch. Now, add to that the fact that Jones has a "Legal Issues" segment on his Wiki page longer than his "Playing Career" segment, and it's a minor miracle he is still alive, let alone playing football.

For now, Pacman Jones remains an NFL free agent, presumably waiting for a phone call from a team to see if he wants to play again. If he is trying to show the 32 teams around the league that he still has some fight and some toughness, well, go ahead and take a look at this video of Jones getting into a scuffle with an Atlanta airport employee at Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport on Tuesday evening. The employee's name is Frank Ragin, and reportedly, Ragin is the one who started the fight by making a gesture toward Jones (which is like voluntarily swimming in a shark tank after covering yourself in blood).

You be the judge:

Now, let's break this thing down Zapruder style:

0:01 — The video begins with Ragin and Jones walking through the airport concourse, clearly beefing with each other, with Ragin the apparently more aggressive of the two. Some third party steps in and gets in between Ragin and Jones, probably whispering to Ragin "Um, bro, you realize that Pacman had his boys shoot up a strip club one time, with like guns and stuff, right?"

0:08 — Ragin, apparently undeterred by any sort of advice, makes a beeline for Jones (screaming the requisite "WHASSUP?!" as he stomped over) and lands the first blow. It is now ON.

0:18 — Jones swings back on Ragin, a female voice screams "NO!", and the phrase "WHASSUP?!" is uttered like another half dozen times by each party. In fact, all of this "WHASSUP"-ing makes me want to jam to R-Truth's WWE ring entrance music....

Ok, back to the analysis....

0:24 — Pacman is now bowed up and ready to fight, Ragin is on his heels. Pacman calls Ragin a "bitch ass [word that I am not allowed to say nor type, given my pasty complexion]".

0:33 — Pacman begins to show off his professional athlete chops, as Ragin begins to simultaneously show off his unathletic, civil servant chops. Pacman gets Ragin on the ground and lands some more blows. Bonus points to Pacman for raining blows on Ragin while wearing a backpack!

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0:42 — We get an impromptu insertion of Pacman's boxing skills in slow motion. I would call his style unorthodox, and that's a mild way of saying he swings wildly like an unhinged, third grade maniac.

If you're wondering how the whole thing ended up, Ragin was both transported to the hospital AND charged with  two counts of battery. The police believe Pacman Jones was acting in self-defense. If there is one more way to brand Ragin as the ultimate loser, I would say a mugshot from his own hospital bed does the trick....

Listen to Sean Pendergast on SportsRadio 610 from 2 to 6 p.m. weekdays. Also, follow him on Twitter at http://twitter.com/SeanTPendergast and like him on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/SeanTPendergast.

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