Paris Hilton Does Her Best Angelina Jolie Impression

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Okay, give me second…give me second. Okay. I’ve caught my breath now. Wooh. All right.

Paris Hilton went to Africa and hung out with poor kids.

So you see why I was laughing. I mean, oh my God.

Apparently accompanying her current boyfriend Benji Madden of the pop punk band Good Charlotte (and by pop punk I mean craptastic) on tour to South Africa, our dear little celebritart spent time at the Jakaranda Kinderhuis School in Pretoria handing out maternal smiles, hugs and signed photos of herself in a bikini (seriously). She also spent time teaching a group of young children how to read. (Just testing you. That last part was BS as we all know Paris herself can’t read.)

I don’t even know what to say about this other than it seems like such a thinly veiled, half-hearted attempt to appear “good” and “caring” like she said she would be after her prison sentence. Sorry honey, but unless you’re digging wells in the dirt or at least operating under the official flag of the United Nations a la Angie, handing out photos of yourself to little children isn’t really cutting it.

But I can see the trap Paris is in. Whether she’s making headlines for getting wasted and rolling around on a car eating a Carl’s Jr. hamburger, or whether she’s getting all demure on “Larry King” and promising that her prison sentence has changed her and she’s reading her Bible now…either image feels phony, forced and undeserving of our attention. The bottom line is that I don’t think Paris can do much (in my eyes, anyway) other than walk away and cease to exist in the public eye.

There is only good Paris and bad Paris and nothing in between, which seems highly unlikely seeing as Paris is, unbelievably, a real, breathing human being. There must be more there, somewhere. Some shade of gray. Some nuance. Some substance. But the sad truth of it is, I get the sneaking suspicion even Paris doesn’t know which Paris or what parts of which Paris she should be. Miss Pop Rocks’s suggestion? A few years of intensive therapy and even more years out of view of the cameras. Because these trips to Africa? Not. Fooling. Anyone. – Jennifer Mathieu

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