Pocket pool wasn't going to cut it for Ramiro Medrano Jr. as he drove around San Benito last weekend. Instead, the 29-year-old perv apparently needed to display his meat popsicle in the middle of a well-traveled street.
Medrano, driving a gold Chrysler Sebring, was stopped at a red light. Next to him was a fly-looking honey in her 40s in a gray SUV.
"Hey, baby," Medrano may have said in his most potent Butt-head impression as "he reached into his shorts and took out his penis," says detective David Rodriguez of the San Benito Police Department. "He then displayed his penis to her and began masturbating."
"He continued to do so until the light turned green and the vehicle continued east on [U.S.] Business 77" from Bonner Street, explains Rodriguez. Maybe the City of San Benito will strip an "n" out of Bonner in Medrano's honor.
Because of the Chrysler Sebring's low-slung profile compared to the woman's elevated SUV, the lady probably had a good view of Medrano's yogurt slinger. Potentially it may have been the one and only time that Medrano didn't feel like a loser driving a Chrysler Sebring.
Unimpressed, the woman called 911. San Benito police quickly spotted Medrano, who tried to flee but turned into a dead-end street.
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Officers were easily able to box him in (heh, "box"). Mr. Masturbator, who "showed signs of being intoxicated" (get out of town!) and was hoarding multiple 24-ounce cans of beer in his car, was placed under arrest.
Because this nonsense occurred at 11:39 a.m. -- that's right, 11:39 in the morning -- we suppose Medrano's display can be classified as morning wood.
Either way, the dude was charged with evading arrest/detention in a motor vehicle, driving while intoxicated, and public lewdness and slapped with a $27,500 bond.