Criminal defense attorneys are often colorful characters, but few seem as downright eccentric as Rife Kimler of Nederland.
Photo via 12NewsNow Rife Kimler: Only a coincidence that his name rhymes with Himmler.
Kimler is currently in hot water for hindering the apprehension of an accused thief -- a young woman who claimed that his interest in her was at least partially sexual -- but this is not his first brush with the law. There was also a 2005 misdemeanor conviction on a weapons charge, and back in 2002, when Kimler ran for the Texas state legislature as a Republican, his campaign flamed out in singularly spectacular fashion.
Namely, he voluntarily up and turned himself in for cocaine possession and even brought in his stash (described as about a tenth of an ounce) to prove his guilt. He just walked into a DEA agent's office and handed it over.
At the time, Tom Maness, the Jefferson County DA, called it "the most unusual case I've seen."
"Why he decided to turn himself in, I have no idea. It's really bizarre," added Maness.
Kimler's campaign had been weird pretty much from the get-go, or at least ever since it came to light that he sported a Nazi tattoo on his right arm; and that he attended a skinhead concert in 1999 with a former Grand Dragon in the Ku Klux Klan; and that he was a former Texas chairman for the Council of Conservative Citizens, a group the Southern Poverty Law Center unequivocally branded as racist.
Kimler denied the allegations of racism and a friend said that half of Kimler's clients were black. So there's that.
And now there's this new controversy.
According to an arrest affidavit obtained by the Southeast Texas Record, on November 22, police got a tip that Danielle Nicole Slaughter, a 27-year-old Beaumont woman wanted for three counts of theft, was hiding out at Kimler's home in Nederland.
The affidavit states that Kimler told the cops that Slaughter was not there -- that she was in Louisiana, in fact. The affidavit further states that the cops believed Kimler was nervous and likely lying, so they placed his home under surveillance. Forty-five minutes later, Slaughter emerged and was arrested. Kimler's arrest, on charges of hindering apprehension, followed Slaughter's.
"Slaughter informed me Kimler intentionally hid her away from police," the affidavit goes on to say. "Slaughter also informed me Kimler said he would ... do (whatever it takes) for her not to go back to jail. Slaughter went on to say Kimler dropped her bonds because she would not have sex with him."
A Facebook profile of a woman fitting that description might offer a clue as to why that sexual relationship failed to take wings: the woman pictured is both a huge fan of The L Word and The Real L Word and has a tattoo of interlocking female symbols on one of her wrists. So Kimler probably shouldn't take that rebuff personally.
Much more interesting stuff is to be found on both of Kimler's Facebook pages.
On his personal page, in addition to showing seriously cool tastes in music, movies and books, Kimler lists as one of his interests "Making police look stupid." While he might have pulled that off in court a few times over the years, there was an epic fail in that department on November 22. (Another of his interests: "staying out of trouble." Epic fail #2) He also might be one of the only people on Facebook to admire both "King of the Ghetto" rapper Z-Ro and Confederate cavalry genius / KKK founder Nathan Bedford Forrest. You just can't put Rife Kimler in a box.
The divorced attorney waxes philosophical about the whole male-female thing on his professional page. And why not? After all, he does have a philosophy degree from UT.
Here's his list of the "top ten reasons you might be with the wrong woman":
1. needs you to co-sign her bail bond; 2. needs a ride to her anger management class; 3. after sex, ask you: "is herpes always contagious?"; 4. has a punch card from the abortion clinic saying "fifth one is free."; 5. suggest a threesome with her aunt; 6. ask you to sign her AA sheet; 7. points a gun at you; 8. tells you the foul smelling, yellow discharge from her vagina just means she is on her period; 9. is from vidor; 10. you have to track her down in miami in order to save ten thousand dollars on a bond forfeiture -- (that one just applies to me.)
Okay, some of that's pretty funny. Number eight is just downright nasty. But all of it makes for a weird thing to put on your professional Facebook page, even if you are a defense attorney.
