RNC Hoopla: Ted Cruz Saying Stupid Things, Fitting in Just Fine

Ah, the Republican National Convention. Glitz. Glamour. Ted Cruz -- our newly-anointed Texan conservative savior -- saying really dumb things. And Christianity. Lots and lots of Christianity.

But first, back to Cruz, who's scheduled to address the convention tonight. So here's the deal: This is his first major appearance on a national level -- especially if you don't consider the meh performance he turned in on Meet The Press earlier this month -- but he's apparently already adopted the Republican talking-point triumvirate: lower taxes, less government, and awkward jokes about Joe Biden.

Cruz yesterday said he was "thankful" for Hurricane Isaac because it's caused Biden to cancel a two-day tour of Florida this week. Later, he announced, "there will be a brand new keynote speaker tomorrow night -- Joe Biden. ... Every time Joe Biden speaks, he gets Republicans votes." Hahahahaha. Good one, Ted! Whew!

Sure, this wasn't as bad as that Todd Akin character who said "legitimate rape" won't make a woman pregnant, but this was still a pretty stupid thing to say for several reasons.

For one, Hurricane Isaac is rumbling toward Hurricane Katrina-ravaged New Orleans as the first tempest to beset the Gulf Shore since 2008. Then there's the fact that hundreds of Republican planners have gone into Bridezilla mode fretting over the major news networks dispatching top correspondents to New Orleans -- not Tampa.

But all of that's minor compared to the main reason Cruz's comment wasn't correct. The GOP Senate nominee said the storm had him stoked because it forced Joe Biden to cancel his two-day tour of Florida.

Let's get something straight: Biden injecting some Bidenness into the RNC would have been awesome. Not because it would have gotten any additional votes for the Democrats -- because it wouldn't have -- but because Biden would have said something utterly ludicrous that would have brought us all much mirth. Isn't that why anyone watches these events anymore? Just to see who can get the most lathered up in insanity and partisan vitriol and serves up the choicest nugget of craziness? Maybe Biden would have informed black people again that Mitt Romney et al. would probably reinstate slavery. So no, we're not thankful for Hurricane Issac. Biden will be missed.

What's worse, Sarah Palin won't show up either! The conventions in 2008 ushered in a windfall of viewers -- the most in 40 years -- but this year's RNC will likely be devoid of the zaniness of four years ago. No Biden. No Palin. Romney and Paul Ryan looking like the political equivalent of turkey on white bread, hold the mayo.

We've asked Cruz to not say anything stupid at the RNC. Now that that option has been taken off the table, we just don't want him to be boring.

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