Maybe you didn't realize. Maybe you were so busy working and doing whatever it is you do in your life that you didn't know these poor bastards were about to see their lifespans cruelly cut short. You must be a terrible, heartless, uncaring jerk if you didn't take the time to help these lost souls.
No, not children in Africa or the homeless or victims of violence or stray animals. We're talking about custom license plates here, the truly tragic losers in this cold, unforgiving world.
You see, Texas offers dozens of custom license plate options to spruce up the caboose of your giant, gas guzzling truck (or minivan for you soccer moms). Colleges, sports teams and charities line up to get their names and logos emblazoned on little metal rectangles to be affixed to vehicles across the Lone Star state. They demonstrate pride, respect and the recognition you have enough time and money on your hands to dress up your ride with class.
Unfortunately, not all of these custom license plates get purchased. Like the Island of Misfit Toys, they sit, waiting for a little boy or girl to take them home and strap them to a bumper. But these plate equivalents of a Charlie in the Box are on their last chance. Soon, they'll be gone forever if you won't do something.
My Plates, the state's vendor for custom license plates, announced last week that it's currently notifying more than 50 organizations that their plates didn't meet the cut. In a statement, My Plates cited a rule under its renewed contract with the state, saying, "Under the new threshold requirement, vendor plates that do not meet the minimum of 200 plates actively in-use over a given year are at risk of being permanently removed from the program."
We can all agree that some of the list of license plates on the chopping block probably need to be taken out back and bashed with a shovel. Frankly, the fact that LA Tech and Keller Williams even had custom plates in the first plates makes me curious about the affiliations of the people who come up with these ideas. If Virginia Tech doesn't have enough supporters here to keep their little plates alive, so be it.
But, the Houston Rockets, the Houston Dynamo, with their fan bases, should be putting their plates on back order. And Dr. Pepper is a goddamn Texas institution.
Then there's NASCAR or the Texas Navy or the Olympics. You people are positively un-American. And while I guess it might be weird to slap a recycling plate on the back of your Hummer, there have got to be enough tofu-eating electric car owners to keep that alive.
Perhaps the most surprising, however, are the camouflage options, including the one in pink -- even though the only thing that would camouflage you from is a unicorn party serving strawberry cupcakes and cotton candy. This is TEXAS, or had you forgotten? This is the state that put a freaking cannon and the words "Come and Take It" on our first flag and you ingrates can't repay Sam Houston with a camo plate on your hunting truck? It's literally the least you can do to remember the Alamo.
Fortunately, there is still time to scoop up a vanity plate and get that thing on your vehicle before its too late. Let's prove to our ancestors that we are worthy of the name Texan!
Visit MyPlates.com today and do your civic duty.
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