If you're gonna take an aggravated robbery charge, whatever it is that you robbed most aggravatedly should be worth it.
After all, this is a first degree felony we're talking here, punishable by five to 99 years or life in prison and a fine of up to $10,000. This is just Hair Balls thinking out loud, but even if we were amoral, we don't think the risk-reward balance would tip in favor of risking that kind of charge for anything less than about $50k.
We're wondering if 18-year-old Samantha Michelle Hamilton is thinking along those lines today. Currently behind bars in Corpus Christi jail on $25,000 bail, Hamilton was arrested in the dawn hours of Sunday morning after she and a friend allegedly swiped a couple of cases of canned or bottled iced tea from a convenience store, and then accidentally backed into the 66-year-old clerk's knee as they made their getaway.
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That's right: these two didn't even wahoo beer. It was freakin' TEA. What, were they getting initiated into some kind of Southern Baptist street gang?
Before he was hit, the clerk was able to write down the license plate of the getaway car: a Toyota Corolla registered to the grandmother of one of the women involved in this Goodfellas-style Lufthansa mega-heist.
Granny quickly rolled over on her grand-daughter. She gave the police Hamilton's cellphone number, and they persuaded her to return to the scene of the crime, where she was promptly arrested. The other woman remains at large, free to roam Corpus in search of unsecured Fanta and inadequately protected Fresca at will.
Although he complained of knee pain, the clerk's injuries were not severe.