^
Keep Houston Press Free
4

Samuel Bustamante Hunted Aliens; Should Texas Be Killing Him In Light Of Stephen Hawking's Warning?

"If aliens ever visit us, I think the outcome would be much as when Christopher Columbus first landed in America," astrophysicist and wheelchair-enthusiast Stephen Hawking opines in a new documentary to be shown on the Discovery Channel.

And the big problem is, Texas is about to execute perhaps our most renowned alien-hunter: former Fort Bend County resident Samuel Bustamante is scheduled to meet the needle Tuesday for the 1998 stabbing death of a man Bustamante and his friends singled out because they wanted to kill undocumented immigrants. (In a taped confession, Bustamante told investigators he and his friend had planned to go "shopping" for undocumented people; using that word somehow makes him even more of a dick).


But is Bustamante the kind of man we need to defend ourselves from aliens (of the outer-space variety) who Hawking says are probably hostile?

On first blush, we'd say yes, but the Bustamante of 2010 may be different than the young hate-crime-lover of yesteryear. For one thing, Bustamante now describes himself as "open-minded," on a pen-pal-seeking site for death row inmates. Moreover, Bustamante says he enjoys "reading novels" and "walking on the beach as the cool breaze [sic] blows," further suggesting that death row has turned him into a big ol' pussy. He may have mellowed to the point where he could no longer defend us from space monsters.

I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Houston and help keep the future of Houston Press free.

Also, Bustamante is arguing that he not be executed because he is mentally impaired, as evidenced by his school records. (We suspect, however, that the records only indicate Bustamante was a dumb-ass, and there is no capital punishment exception for them).

So even if Bustamante were spared, he may no longer be the effective alien-hunter he once was. Hopefully, we can turn to some Texas Tea Party members to defend us, if the alien ships touch down. One look at a dude in a powdered wig waving a "Party Like It's 1773" sign, and the aliens just might decide to go back home.   

Keep the Houston Press Free... Since we started the Houston Press, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Houston, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Houston with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.

 

Join the Press community and help support independent local journalism in Houston.

 

Join the Press community and help support independent local journalism in Houston.