Urban Dictionary defines the term "wahoo" like this: "To approach the alcohol isle calmly, grab a case of beer and run the hell out like there's no tomorrow."
San Antonio's Santiago Martinez Jr. is the King of the Wahoo, or "El Rey del Guaju," if you're feeling all Spanglish.
Let's look at the 24-year-old's alleged spree, which ran from last Thanksgiving to this February, by the numbers:
5-10: The number of dollars Martinez would charge his buddies for the swiped 18-packs he didn't drink.
8: The number of Valero stores Martinez is said to have struck.
28: Believed number of Martinez's heists.
60-84 Approximate dollar value of the empty aluminum cans at a recycler.
134: Total number of 18-packs Martinez is alleged to have taken.
1,800: Total weight, in pounds, of the beer he is said to have taken. (Not including packaging.) Yep, almost a ton.
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2,412: Total number of 12-ounce cans and bottles in Martinez's alleged haul.
2,800: Total dollar value of all that beer.
Police told the San Antonio Express-News that Martinez had been charged with an unrelated theft earlier this year, and the DA's office there has since decided to bundle all 28 cases of beer thieving against him. Martinez is on film or has been photographed in the act in 17 of the heists, while eyewitnesses and other evidence have linked him to the other 11.
Martinez is cooling his heels in Bexar County Jail awaiting someone to pony up $10,000 bond. Where are all those cheap drunks he used to sell to now?