The Associated Press reports a man aboard a United Airlines flight bound for Vermont was stung twice by a stowaway scorpion. Yes, we said that correctly: a passenger on a commercial flight was stung twice when a scorpion declared arachnid jihad on his right leg. He didn't notice the first sting on the flight. The scorpion then stayed a stowaway in his pants till the second time when the passenger noticed a "tingly" feeling while waiting in the baggage claim. Once discovered, a consultation from Dr. Smashy McShoe ensued; followed by a quick trip to the hospital for the passenger. Officials believe the flight-jumping little bastard actually boarded the plane earlier that day in Houston.
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In other news, Samuel L. Jackson is trying to broker a deal with the scorpion to star in Scorpions on a Plane. — Brett Koshkin