Scottie Pippen Alleged Assault Victim Apparently the Worst Flopper Ever

There has been an increasing call by fans and people inside the NBA to do away with flopping. Suggestions have ranged from monetary penalties -- which the league initiated before last season -- to technical fouls and even suspensions. Flopping is lame and has a way of killing the momentum of a game the league has done everything in its power to speed up. So, I'm all for getting flopping the hell out of the game. But what about on the street.

In June, it was reported that former Rocket and Chicago Bull Scottie Quitten Pippen was involved in an altercation outside a restaurant in Malibu, California. Reports came in that Pippen was enraged by an autograph seeker and punched and kicked the man into submission.

Well, it turns out the alleged victim, Camran Shafighi, 49, might rival Dirk Nowitzki when it comes to falling down on the job.

After an investigation, the district attorney's office in Los Angeles has dropped charges against Pippen who was accused of punching and kicking Shafighi when he sought an autograph. Turns out, that's not exactly what happened. Shafighi may have spit on Pippen and hurled racial slurs at him before the former Robin to Michael Jordan's Batman went POW and ZAM.

But, that's not the best part.

Shafighi, who has filed a $4 million lawsuit against Pippen, was taken to a hospital with a possible concussion. All tests showed there wasn't any internal trauma, but Shafighi returned to the hospital later and told doctors he had been diagnosed with fractured ribs and ankle, the report said. The only visible physical injuries were a small bruise on Shafighi's chin and a cut to his lip.

Shafighi, whose blood sample turned up positive for opiates and a 0.18 percent blood-alcohol level -- twice the legal limit for driving -- also feigned having seizures, according to the report. The seizures ended when the doctor ordered him to stop them.

So, let's take this one step by step, shall we? Shafighi, hella drunk and high as a junkie on Intervention, tried to pull a fast one. Given his blood alcohol level, I'm surprised he didn't just puke and pass out in front of Pippen, but he had enough sense to pretend he was knocked out and claim to have a concussion.

Then, he lied to doctors after being told he was fine and sent on his way. He said he had another diagnosis -- yeah, because that first doc couldn't tell his only problem was that he was full of shit.

And, as if that weren't enough, he tried to fake seizures...in a hospital because doctors have never seen real seizures before and can be fooled by a drunk, stoned jackass. My favorite part is the doctor telling him to just cut it out. I imagine it went like this.

Shafghi: But, seriously, I have a concussion. Doctor: No, you don't. Shafghi: Yeah, but my ribs and ankle are fractured. Doctor: No, they aren't. Shafghi: I think I feel a seizure coming on...uh, ah, *commences shaking* Doctor: Please stop.

It is at this point that the doctor calls for an orderly and tossed the guy onto the street like a bouncer at an after-hours joint.

I'm no big fan of Pippen, but this is pretty ridiculous. I'd love to hear the judge when he brings that civil suit into court. My guess is it will end about as badly as his night at the hospital. And if this incident tells us anything, it's that just like crying in baseball, there is no place for flopping in basketball...or life.

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