Seven Things We'd Like To Be Tax-Free This Weekend

Keep Houston Press Free
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Houston and help keep the future of Houston Press free.

Are you absolutely


about the fact that coming up is the tax-free weekend?

Are you positively giddy at the thought of trying to cram your way into a Target, elbow your way down the aisles, push away slow grandmas and clumsy toddlers just so you can wait on an interminable line to pay and then walk a mile and a half to your car, just to save some bucks?

Us, too!! It's what makes the start of the school year so great!

But Texas' list of items that are tax-free this weekend is so boring.

Yay -- socks and shorts. Hip, hip hurray for, as the state's list puts it, "belts with attached buckles" and "gloves (generally)". Huzzah for "diapers - adult and baby."

Like we say, booorrrring.

What we want to see be tax-free this weekend:

Beer. Because we're gonna need a lot of it if we have to get anywhere near a Target.

Slim Jims. Because come on, they go good with beer. And who can afford the taxes on one of the really big sticks?

Recreational Drugs. See "Beer." And ain't that how The Man is always busting your dealer, for not filing the proper tax forms on his sales?

Pornography (Educational kind only). For instance, a title like "Hotttt For Teacher" would be tax-free, as would "MILFs Go Wild," as long as the MILFs in question still had school-age kids. "Anal Adventures XXVI" might or might not qualify, depending on how educational the adventures are. If they're like Dora the Explorer, fine.

A GALLON OF GAS. Am I right, people? I mean -- with all that hot air in Washington, you'd think they'd use that to power some cars, right? Right? (End Jay Leno imitation.)

The 30-Day Aged Akaushi Beef filet at Tony's, $125 a pop. Because, contrary to what Leona Helmsley famously said, it's not only the little people who pay taxes.

Lottery winnings. Because our entire financial plan for surviving this Bush economy depends on getting lucky this weekend.

-- Richard Connelly

Keep the Houston Press Free... Since we started the Houston Press, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Houston, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Houston with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.


Join the Press community and help support independent local journalism in Houston.


Join the Press community and help support independent local journalism in Houston.