Six Ways You Know Obama Has Won

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The election, by all accounts in the media, is over. Barack Obama has won. There will be no hanging chads, no recounts, no doubt. He can indeed start measuring those damn drapes John McCain was always talking about.

And America feels different today. How do we know? Six ways you can tell:

6. You see a black person on the street and want to congratulate them, before saying to yourself “WTF am I thinking?”

5. You see some anonymous person who you just know is a Sarah Palin fan, and you mumble to yourself “How’s it feel now, bee-yotch?”

4. Your taxes go up. You get issued your working papers for the Socialist Party USA. You become Muslim.

3. You realize you don’t have to obsessively check every new state poll that comes out on the Web, and then check every post on it that criticizes its methodology.

2. The number of Keith Olbermann clips you get in your e-mail goes way down.

1. You realize that if a) a black guy b) from Hawaii c) who basically never knew his dad d) has a crazy-assname like “Barack Hussein Obama” can get elected president, maybe you can get off your lazy ass and actually do something. You wait until that feeling passes.

-- Richard Connelly

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