We all dork out over something.
Me, I actually have a short list of things I dork out over, and just to refresh, my definition of "dork out" is "to spend an inordinate amount of time obsessing over and following, to the extent that a majority of society wouldn't understand."
My list: The Sopranos, Seinfeld, WWE (particularly '80s and '90s, when it was the WWF), salary caps, stories about tasing, crime in the state of Florida, stories about criminals in Florida being tased, and Star Wars.
I know, pretty eclectic list!
Well, one thing that's never, ever been on my list -- the Olympics.
Until this year.
How can you not dork out over these Sochi Olympics? Why, you ask? Well, how's this list?
Bob Costas' pink eye, Bob Costas' pink eye spreading into being pink eyes, Bob Costas' chugging vodka on national television because he's like "EFF IT, I HAVE PINK EYE," Bob Costas' face possibly melting off his skull like the Nazi guy in Raiders Of The Lost Ark, Shaun White's possibly losing his mojo because he cut his flowing orange locks, Lindsay Vonn's being far more compelling (and fun to watch) rehabbing her knee injury
in a bikini in a swimming pool than she's ever been actually skiing, Putin presiding over the indoor events like the Soviet president in Rocky IV, the potential for a Rocky IV "If I can change" moment starring Bob Costas' left eye, community toilets, the glorious sexual cocktail of 100,000 condoms and the Tinder app, media members tweeting out pictures of the Sochi tap urine water, curling, and every drinking game involving curling.
And that's just a small sample, we still have like another ten days or something to add to that list! And then there are the moguls. My God, the moguls.
One day into the Olympics, the stories began of female skiers taking practice runs down the downhill course and wiping out one by one. As it turns out, it would appear Sochi was testing their Olympic downhill run using the testing equivalent of suburban moms skiing down a green circle slope in southern Wisconsin somewhere. The moguls and jumps needed some serious shaving.
The conditions of the slopes (and the half pipe, and the indoor plumbing, and pretty much everything in Sochi) has been a huge topic, and has resulted in some spectacular wipe outs along the way. And really, all you can do at this point is have a sense of humor about it.
So, in this most frigid of Februarys, it warms my heart to see the internet meld two of my "dork out" items, Star Wars and the debacle that is the Sochi Olympics, together in one spectacularly creative 18 second YouTube clip...
Now if we can just get an animated GIF of someone sliding an
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into a disemboweled Tauntaun, this will officially become the greatest sporting event of all time.
(h/t The Big Lead)