In a sprawling metropolis like Houston, how the hell do you decide what to do on the weekends? Sure, you could subscribe to the latest newsletter for every single entertainment venue that mildly interests you in the region. 'Cause that totally worked in 2002. So what if it's a big city, right? Gmail's got a bazillion megabytes of storage, right?
Wrong. Well, not technically wrong, but morally wrong. You do realize you don't need all that noise. You're killing kittens by subscribing and then promptly sending those e-blasts to the Trash folder as soon as they arrive, you know. And all you really need is Twitter to get your weekend rolling at a pretty pace.
Look. Get over your hatred of Twitter already. It's practically one-stop shopping. For example, when the heat index hits oh-mah-gah-I-can't-take-this-anymore degrees, think about plunking your ass down in the air conditioning at a place that isn't your house or the local watering hole. Mildred's Umbrella Theater Company's production of "Last Easter" hits the stage for the, um, last time this weekend, and the Houston Theater District's got you covered on more fronts than one if you need more options. For less soliloquy and more soul, you've got Bob Schneider gigging at McGonigel's Mucky Duck and salsa and merengue at the House of Blues. Girl, you can totally handle that.
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Oh, wusses, never fear!
There's even more by way of the great indoors, so sit up straighter, for heaven's sake. A lazy stroll through the Houston Museum of Natural Science or the Children's Museum is worth the price of admission to avoid breaking a sweat (and without kicking in too much effort, for that matter). If you're really lookin' for something new, the Houston Downtown Alliance recommends that you sidle up to the strangest twofer in the history of twofers, 'cause both the India Fest and the Gun & Knife Show are struttin' their stuff at the George R. Brown Convention Center. It's called "expanding your horizons," okay?
But, you're a glutton for punishment, aren't you? You were one of the suckers that sweated your ovaries off in lines last weekend at the Free Press Summer Fest, weren't you? Then seeing "The Wiz" at the Miller Outdoor Theatre should really trip your body temperature trigger. Or live ice sculpting performances at Discovery Green may be the magic trick for cooling down under that boiling orb. It's still unconfirmed as to whether or not you're permitted to lick, though.
And can you believe it? All this information was procured via Twitter. No newsletter subscriptions were harmed during this process. So stop Twitter hatin' and start conjugatin'. Yo.