Songs You Didn't Get As a Kid

Did you know that ZZ Top's "Pearl Necklace" is essentially about a man ejaculating onto a woman's neck? No? Well, neither did I when I was 12. That is just disgusting. It is a disgusting, insanely catchy song, and I had no idea what it was about until I was an adult. I thought it was about a woman whose boyfriend refused to buy her jewelry.

"Afternoon Delight" is another one. I honestly thought it was about taking a hot air balloon ride. Maybe the phrase "sky rockets in flight" for some reason made me think of floating around in the air. Of course the sky rocket would need to have a condom on to make that trip safe, but you know what I mean. Now you do. I bet you didn't twenty years ago though.

"Relax" by Frankie Goes to Hollywood. When they talked about not wanting to come, I thought they were talking about not wanting to go to a party. Hmm...I think I was interpreting that incorrectly.

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Billy Squier had a song called "The Stroke." So totally clear, right? Not to me. I thought it was just about, like, dancing. Or maybe stroking your pet dog. I tested above grade level as a child, but I didn't catch that.

"Whip It" by Devo. Sadomasochism? Not to me. It was just the video with guys whose hats reminded me of Legos.

I was becoming a little more savvy by the time I heard Warrant's "Cherry Pie." The fact that the video involved a woman with a piece of cherry pie landing in the middle of her crotch made the metaphor quite clear, actually. It was thanks to Warrant's "Cherry Pie" that I was able to understand the deeper symbolism in Steinbeck's "Grapes of Wrath" years later.

So, dear readers...what songs did you not fully understand as a child? "I Touch Myself" by the Divinyls? "Pour Some Sugar on Me" by Def Leppard? Do tell. I don't want to feel like I was the only stupid one.

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