Steroids and Roger Clemens: Nothin’ But a Good Time, Sans Bentley

According to that bastion of journalistic integrity that is the New York Post’s Page Six, Roger Clemens is getting so desperate for money to pay Rusty Hardin’s legal bills that he’s now selling off his cars. And while it doesn’t mention anything about the various Hummer’s he supposedly owns – man, putting gas in those things must really be putting a dint in his wallet – the Post does report that Rocket has sold his Bentley to former hair-metal rocker and current “Rock of Love” star Bret Michaels.

I guess this is Bret Michaels’ way of giving the Rocket something to believe in. And maybe Rocket got enough cash on the deal so that he ain’t having nothin’ but a good time now.

Rocket, if you’re getting so desperate for cash, may I make a little suggestion? Well, actually I’ve got two. Number one involves a former employer who is desperate for pitching, seeing as his ace starter injured himself running the bases against the Houston Astros last Sunday. And with the way New Yorkers have embraced fellow roiders Jason Giambi and Andy Pettitte, I’m sure they would welcome you back in a New York minute – besides, I bet you can’t wait to team back up with your BFF Andy. And since Greg Maddux and Randy Johnson have recently had the nerve to pass you on a couple of the career milestone charts, this is your chance to, once again, show them who’s the boss.

But if you don’t like that option, try this one. Why not finally announce your retirement? Once you do this, your personal services contract with Drayton McLane kicks in, and he’s got to start paying you some big bucks for a couple of years.

I know these options might not be all that you wish they were, but hey, as that great poet Bret Michaels once wrote: “Every rose has its thorn / Just like every night has its dawn / Just like every cowboy sings his sad, sad song / Every rose has its thorn.”

-- John Royal

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