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Keep Houston Press Free
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Still the Best at Being the Worst: Four Texans Honored in Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest

Winners of an international literary parody contest were recently announced, and four Texans made the cut out of more than 10,000 applicants.

Syler Womack, from podunk Eustace, set about an hour’s drive southeast of Dallas, was named runner-up in the Western category for this submission:

“Slim pulled the branding iron away from the yearling’s seared flank and looked up to see Tuffy Edwards, the boss’s daughter, trotting towards him on her sorrel mare, Brandi, wearing absolutely nothing but tight blue jeans and a green tank top – her gi-normous, heaving, unrestrained hooters resembling nothing so much as a pair of fat Charolais heifers trying to beat each other through a loading chute.”

The last Texan to win the now-25-year-old Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, based at San Jose State University, was back in 1995 with the following submission from Houstonian John L. Ashman:

“Paul Revere had just discovered that someone in Boston was a spy for the British, and when he saw the young woman believed to be the spy’s girlfriend in an Italian restaurant he said to the waiter, ‘Hold the spumoni – I’m going to follow the chick an’ catch a Tory.” – Todd Spivak

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