The last of couple summers, during the dark content abyss that is late June and the entire month of July, we had Johnny Manziel and his alcohol-fueled escapades to keep us occupied. Indeed, the lavish trips to Vegas and late-night Hollywood trysts with Justin Bieber were the food that sustained us in the blogosphere. It was salacious, it was dirty, it was great.
Now, with Johnny dialed back to bottled water and a house on a golf course, we are left starved for cyber-food. So now we're left to get our fill with J.J. Watt, who while equally relevant and a thousand times the football player Manziel is, is not quite as grimy. It's doubtful we will ever see a funnel, a money phone, or a rolled up twenty dollar bill in a J.J. Watt video.
And for this we are thankful. Consider the last two summers of Johnny a gorging on fried foods. J.J. will have us eating our vegetables, so to speak.
With that said, we embark on our highly nutritious Summer of J.J. Watt! Call it the "Dream Big, Work Hard, Play Even Harder" Tour of 2015. (Can we get t-shirts made up?) We head to Wisconsin, where J.J. is presumably based out of his "cabin" (which is several thousand square feet, so "cabin" has the biggest air quotes ever) and possibly celebrating the Rockets' drafting of Sam Dekker. He's also hanging out at Summerfest, where one of the headliners is the ever popular Zac Brown Band.
Apparently, during the ZBB show this past weekend, a "crasher" (read: plant) made it onto the stage and was jumping up and down ferociously next to the band, when all of a sudden, this happened….
I'm sorry, but even for a planned bit, that had to hurt. In the pantheon of scripted-bits-that-only-the-dumbest-people-thinks-are-real, I'd rather take 50 straight cakes to the face from Clutch the Bear before I take one J.J. Watt spear.
Of course, his sojourn out to Summerfest wasn't the only
largely scripted event of the weekend for Watt. J.J. also made it out to a hockey event with the Wisconsin Badgers, where he skated in and ripped a slap shot past a goalie who was diving out of the goal like he was letting a toddler score on his new Fisher Price playlet at his third birthday party….
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My biggest takeaway from this is that, if J.J. Watt had ever decided to expend the same amount of energy on becoming great at hockey as he did on becoming great at football, he would be the most terrifying hockey player in the history of the NHL. Can you imagine being a defensemen with J.J. Watt barreling into you, or trying to dig a puck out of the corners against him? I think they would have to alter the rules to allow the use of sharp objects in defending him.
And thus begins the far-better-for-your-soul "Summer of J.J."!
Listen to Sean Pendergast on SportsRadio 610 from 2 p.m. to 7 p.m. weekdays. Also, follow him on Twitter at http://twitter.com/SeanTPendergast.