The Super Bowl’s not supposed to kick off until 5:17 p.m. on Sunday. And Fox must really think you’re an idiot based on their pregame programming choices. That’s where I come in. I’m here to save you from Fox and the Fox crap.
So forget about Shepard Smith and the idiots from Fox News Channel doing their Super Tuesday analysis at 9:00 a.m. Forget about Ryan Seacrest and his live whatever from the Super Bowl red carpet – I didn’t even know there was a Super Bowl red carpet. There will be nothing useful said during the pregame shows. There will be talks about Plaxico Burress’s guarantee. We may hear something about Brady’s ankle. I’m sure that there will be something about how Tom Coughlin has changed, and about how Eli Manning has matured. There will be something about Randy Moss emerging as a team leader. And about how these two teams played each other in the last regular season game of the year.
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And that will take up the 20 hours of pregame programming leading into the Super Bowl. So there’s no need for you to waste your time. In fact, there’s no need to turn on the television until about 1:00 p.m., so until that time, go shopping. Go to church if you’re one of those religious folks. Go see the matinee showing of Rambo.
But at 1:00 p.m. you have several programming options. I recommend flipping the station to Channel 2, NBC, and checking out NHL hockey. It’s a battle of the Original Six, as the New York Rangers take on the Montreal Canadians, in Montreal, and in hi-def. But if hockey doesn’t interest you, Fox Sports Houston will be presenting college hoops in hi-def, as North Carolina travels to Florida State. And if you’re still not pumped, then at 1:30 p.m. ABC will be presenting the Dallas Mavericks at Detroit Pistons.
Now I’ve got to admit that I’m out of ideas once the hockey and college basketball finish up. The Fox Sports networks all switch to women’s college basketball. ESPN2 has skiing. NBC has bull riding. ESPN goes to figure skating at 3:30 p.m., while CBS insists on boring us with golf – golf makes poker interesting. But if you can hang on until 4:30 p.m., the NFL Network presents the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders 2008 Swimsuit Calendar Show. And watching gorgeous women in bikinis should keep you occupied until kickoff.
After that, you’re stuck with the game and Fox. Especially since the Lingerie Bowl was cancelled, leaving you with only Tom Petty for the halftime. And let’s hope it’s a good game. Otherwise we’re going to be stuck with Joe Buck and Troy Aikman trying to fill time for four hours. – John Royal