Every once in a while, a lawsuit is filed in Harris County that makes us jump for joy over its allegations of pure, unadulterated cray-cray. And this latest, filed Monday afternoon by the founders of Houston real-estate blog Swamplot against a condo owners association head named Mark Thuesen, doesn't disappoint.
Filed by Laurence Albert, an architect and Rice University lecturer, and his wife, Beth Brindson, the suit accuses Thuesen of viciously libeling them in an online campaign that reveals more about the alleged dark recesses of Thuesen's mind than anything else.
According to the suit, Thuesen has accused Albert of being a convicted sex offender of children and a competitor in the "Miss Boston Transgender beauty pageant" who proudly "claims to have the deepest man-gina in Montrose and Boston."
The attacks came after Swamplot, like other media (including Hair Balls), covered Thuesen's no-holds-barred war against a West University bar located next door to Thuesen's Kirby Drive condo. Here are some other Thuesen rants, as quoted from the suit:
Albert and Beth lured a young pizza hut boy into their house and offered sex for pizza. Houston Police are investigating. They have Alberts bite marks around boys private area [sic]. [Editor's note: Seriously, dude, if you're going to accuse someone of biting the genitalia of a young pizza deliveryman, at least have the decency to learn proper apostrophe placement.]
Laurence Albert (Gus Allen) was born in Los Angeles. This California Jew with a DWI conviction has come to Houston to buy and sell real estate with his family's Jewish money....Laurence Albert's Jewish [parents] are funding Jewish takeover of Houston through their dirty trust funds.
I'm gonna make an offer you caint refuse albert take the fuckin swamplot site down or ill dig a fuckin hole for you it's the long island way douchebad [sic.]. (Douchebad? Seriously, we don't know what's worse -- the alleged libel and terroristic threats, or the typos.)
Katy Police Department is looking into Albert sending nude photos of himself to a 13 year old boy. He is going to get caught.
Albert still argues that he cannot get Aids from giving a blow job with a condum on [sic].
Thuesen sued Albert and Swamplot in 2011, seeking a permanent injunction against any further reports on Thuesen's litigation against his West University neighbors. (Thuesen ultimately dropped the suit.)
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Albert's lawsuit specifically alleges defamation, stalking, threat of bodily injury, invasion of privacy, violations of Texas Civil Wiretap Act, and business disparagement, among others.
We have attempted to get in touch with Thuesen to get his side of things and will update when/if we hear back. We're sure this is all just a simple misunderstanding. A simple, Jewy misunderstanding.