Ain't no party like a Bryant McKinnie party. This is known.
As debauchery and salaciousness goes, the gold standard for a McKinnie-approved throwdown is still the 2005 Minnesota Vikings boat party scandal, and frankly until another scandalous party gets its own Wikipedia page, it will always be the gold standard.
I would imagine any of the strip club visits during which McKinnie rung up his unpaid $375,000 tab back in the day was probably pretty good, too.
What the most recent McKinney party (his birthday bash this past Sunday, complete with party bus) lacked in debauchery it made up for in bloodshed.
As you will recall, the party found its way to Opera Ultra Lounger in Washington, D.C. After the place had closed at about 3:00 a.m., injured Raven wide receiver Jacoby Jones found himself in a dust up with professional "waitress" Sweet Pea. (She claims she was on the party bus as a waitress, but worth mentioning that she's been paid to be naked before. The rule of thumb, if you have multiple jobs, whichever one pays you to be naked, that's your primary job.)
The confrontation began with words and ended with Sweet Pea playing Whack-A-Mole on Jacoby's face with a bottle of Ace of Spades champagne. Jones found himself bleeding significantly, the cops were called, but no charges were filed.
The incident was the next one in a string of off the field embarrassments for the league this past week, an unusually busy week in the crime department. The fallout was embarrassing enough for Raven legend and current ESPN analyst Ray Lewis (who knows a little something about crime) to suggest that there is a leadership vacuum in Baltimore.
Well, on Wednesday night, Jones finally made his first public comments since the incident. On his radio show with 105.7 The Fan, Jones addressed the situation:
"I'm going to take the responsibility that I was in the wrong place at the wrong time," Jones said. "There was no altercation. There's nothing wrong. I did nothing wrong but I take responsibility for being in wrong place at the wrong time. Enough said. I apologize to my teammates and everybody."
Asked about a meeting that he had with coach John Harbaugh, Jones said: "We're fine. Everything is good."
Webster's defines "apologize" as "express regret for something that one has done wrong," so either Jacoby is unsure exactly what the definition of "apologize" is (a 20 percent chance) or he's trying to pull off the moderately difficult "apologizing while admitting no wrong doing," the younger cousin of the "if I offended anybody, I apologize to them" apology.
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Frankly, Jacoby owes nobody an apology for anything. He was doing something perfectly legal (partying his ass off) while he was off the clock (wee hours of Monday morning), and the only thing that was in the wrong place at the wrong time was his face when it found itself in the path of a large bottle of champagne that was moving at a high rate of speed.
Frankly, I think the Ace of Spades bottle owes Jacoby's face an apology!
The moral of the story: If you're trying to stay out of the news, make sure you stay away from Bryant McKinnie after dark.
Listen to Sean Pendergast on 1560 Yahoo! Sports Radio from 3 p.m. to 7 p.m. weekdays and nationally on the Yahoo! Sports Radio network Saturdays from 10 a.m. to noon CST. Also, follow him on Twitter at http://twitter.com/SeanCablinasian.