Take the Robert Durst Tour of Texas!

We can't get enough of eccentric millionaire Robert "I Only Chopped Up My Neighbor, I Didn't Murder Him" Durst, and now that he's facing another murder charge in Los Angeles, it may be awhile before we see his constantly blinking mug in Houston again. But at least he's here in spirit, and we can walk in his footsteps — even in high heels! So put on your favorite wig, shoplift a chicken-salad-on-pumpernickel sandwich in case you get hungry on the way, and join us on the Durst Tour.

2213 Avenue K, Galveston

This is it. This is the Durst-lover's Mecca. This is where Durst lived during his time in Galveston — often disguised as a mute woman and using the name "Dorothy Ciner." During that time, Durst claims to have befriended his cantankerous neighbor, Morris Black. According to Durst, Black barged into his room one day, waving a gun, which led to a struggle. The gun went off, and Black dropped dead. Then, as any innocent person would do, Durst hacked apart his dead friend's corpse, slipped the body parts into trash bags and dumped them into Galveston Bay. Why isn't this charming little bungalow on the National Register of Historic Places yet?

Galveston Bay

In September 2001, a father and son wanting to engage in some quality bonding while fishing in the Bay wound up with perhaps the biggest catch of their lives when they spotted some trash bags had washed ashore. Inside the bags was a bunch of junk mail addressed to 2213 Avenue K. There were also parts of a dead dude. We've gone fishing with our dad many times and never caught anything half as cool. The only thing cooler than finding a disarticulated corpse would have been if it went down like one of the prosecutors in Durst's 2004 trial put it: "Morris Black rose from his watery grave and his finger pointed in the direction of [Durst]." Some say, if you stand on the shores of this watery grave and hold a shell to your ear, you can hear the sound of a saw cutting through bone. Why not take the Durst Tour and hear for yourself?

2520 Robinhood Lane, Houston

This 17-story West University high-rise was already chock full o' fun before Bobby D. bought three units in the building. We're sure the rest of the condo owners were ecstatic to learn who their new neighbor was. Detectives searched Durst's residences in March and found, according to the Houston Chronicle, "boxes of financial records, a garbage bag full of court transcripts and the books Without a Trace and A Deadly Secret." The former is about the 1982 disappearance of Durst's first wife; the latter tells the story of Durst's 2003 trial. We just hope the detectives looked under the court transcripts in that garbage bag to make sure there wasn't another dead dude. One day, we hope, the three Robinhood condos will be open to the public, Graceland-style, but until then, just stand on the sidewalk, look up and behold the grandeur.

6011 Kirby Drive, Houston

In July 2014, Durst golden-showered a candy bar display at this CVS near his condos. That makes this CVS different from — and superior to — all other CVS's, and it of course makes it part of the Durst Tour. Just because Durst agreed never to set foot in the store again doesn't mean tour participants can't! According to a police officer's affidavit, a store employee said that Durst "obtained a prescription on that day and brought it to the cash registers located in the store. The complainant stated that after the defendant completed his purchase, the defendant exposed his genitals and urinated on the register and candy bars which were located by the registers." But Durst wasn't a prick about it. According to the employee, the multimillionaire "did not seem agitated or argue with the clerk, and...he casually walked out of the business after he was done urinating." Durst's attorney Chip Lewis chalked up his client's behavior as a "medical mishap."

Centrum Building, 3102 Oak Lawn Avenue, Dallas

Before he lived in Galveston, Durst lived in Dallas, where a woman named Linda Walker Zevallos claims to have dated him in 2000. As our sister paper the Dallas Observer noted, "During their relationship, Durst behaved in a totally normal fashion for an eccentric millionaire who is suspected in the disappearance of his first wife and another murder in California." According to Zevallos, the second floor of Durst's apartment "had a concrete floor and a stand with a saw on it." Durst allegedly told the building's owners that the concrete floor was necessary "because he worked with a lot of chemicals." Besides, if you ever find yourself in a position of having to chop up your dead neighbor, you don't want to have to do it on carpet. A total pain in the neck.

We hope you enjoy the tour — send us your pictures!

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