For those of you who missed the news in all of the New Year's reveling, former Houston Rockets power forward, current TNT basketball analyst, and renowned gambling addict Charles Barkley was arrested outside of Phoenix early on New Year's Eve and cited for DUI. The Chuckster was pulled over because he failed to stop at a stop sign, and that was when the officer noticed the strong smell of alcohol emitting from Sir Charles. Barkley confessed to drinking, and offered one of the all-time classic excuses for not stopping at the stop sign. He was picking up a girl at the corner who was going to give him a blow job.
Quoting from the police report: "'I was gonna drive around the corner and get a blow job.' He then explained that she had given him a 'blow job' one week earlier and said it was the best one he had ever had in his life."
Now we at Ballz did a little digging around, and we dug up some of the Chuckster's other statements to the arresting officer.
10. Blow job? Did I say blow job? I meant blow out. Blow out. This girl's heel had blown out and it was the most spectacular blow out that I'd ever seen in my life.
9. I was just doing some research for Marv Albert and that whole biting thing just got to bugging me.
8. You're kidding me, right? They never call travelling in the NBA.
7. Officer, you're mistaken. Don't you recognize me? I'm not Charles Barkley, I'm Steve Nash.
6. Sorry, officer. But Kenny Smith and Ernie Johnson just robbed a convenience store during the commercial break and I was trying to make a citizen's arrest.
5. I'm sorry, officer. I didn't mean to run the stop sign, but I was so amazed by Phoenix's new light rail that's so much better than one in Houston because it goes in more than just one direction that I just lost track of what I was doing.
4. I'm not drunk, officer. I've just had too much to drink.
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3. Oh thank you, officer. There's this mob boss after me because of some gambling debts.
2. Tell you what, officer. If you let me off, I'll make you part of my security detail when I become the governor of Alabama.
1. This never happens to Michael Jordan.
-- John Royal