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Ten Possible Reasons for the Cowboys Missing the Playoffs

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As if losing to division rivals Washington in week 4 and falling into a virtual four-way tie for the NFC East wasn't bad enough, now the Dallas Cowboys are without starting QB Tony Romo for at least a month -- and minus Adam "Don't Call Me Pacman" Jones indefinitely following his suspension for a drunken altercation with his bodyguard. The situation has gotten so grim some are saying the Pokes' playoff hopes are

all but kaput


It pains me to think that Cowboy faithful may be losing heart so early in the season. I understand that Dallas fans hold their team to a higher standard. It comes with the territory when your team has been to the playoffs 29 times and won five Super Bowls (none since the turn of the century, however).

Living in Houston, I'm used to playoff disappointment. In that spirit, I'd like to extend the olive branch of cross-conference understanding and offer the good people of Dallas a list of potential excuses for the Cowboys missing the playoffs. Use as applicable:

10. Attendance bottoms out after undead owner Jerry Jones lurches into the stands at Texas Stadium and eats brains of most of the people seated in Section 27.

9. The re-signing of Cowboys icons Roger Staubach, Tony Dorsett and Drew Pearson doesn't have quite the invigorating effect everyone had hoped.

8. The city never recovers from the infamous Thanksgiving Riot and murder of the Jonas Brothers during their halftime performance.

7. Tank Johnson proves too insecure without his weapons cache to provide effective defense.

6. Dallas residents afraid to get hopes up again after plans for big screen Dallas movie (starring John Travolta as J.R.) fall through.

5. Aging QB Brad Johnson accidentally takes Cialis instead of regular vitamin supplements prior to Tampa Bay game. The massive FCC fines that result cripple the once mighty franchise.

4. Bum Phillips passes away, leaves everything to Jason Garrett.

3. Rather than appeal his suspension, Adam "Pacman" Jones elects to accept that Rhodes Scholarship.

2. Majority of players demand trade following rumors of a joint Al Davis/Bud Adams takeover.

1. After dropping 12 or 12 passes thrown at him during Fan Appreciation Day, Terrell Owens is pelted and subsequently asphyxiates under a mountain of Jason Witten bobbleheads.

-- Pete Vonder-Haar

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