Terrorists Have Won: Andy Giuliani Kicked off Duke Golf Team

The son of Rudy Giuliani, Andrew Giuliani, has decided to sue Duke University over his being kicked off of the school’s golf team. There’s a bunch of stuff in the suit about the coach intimidating his fellow golfers, and about the coach not giving a reason for kicking him off of the team, but the thing that caught my eye was this: he’s suing because being kicked off of the team interferes with his chances of being a pro golfer.

I didn’t know you had to be a college graduate to play professional golf. I didn’t even know you needed to be a college golf player to play professional golf. Do they give some kind of waiver onto the PGA Tour if you played in college? Is that what the deal is?

I did a little online research and I discovered that there is such a thing as a PGA Tour Qualifying Tournament. And generally, if you’re one of the top 30 finishers, then you’ve earned a spot on the PGA Tour for the next year. And if that doesn’t work, there’s this thing called the Nationwide Tour, and if you can do okay on the Nationwide Tour, then you have a chance of making the PGA.

And nowhere did I find a requirement that one be a member of a college golf team. So Andrew Giuliani might have valid reasons for suing to get back on the team, but interfering with chances of being a pro golfer is not a winner. But then again, I’m not the son of a rich man, so I’m kind of sort of used to having to follow the rules.

Then again, maybe he should just do like his dad and go about shouting “9-11” all of the time. That might not have gotten Rudy the presidency, but it’s sure made him millions of dollars, so I’m sure if Andrew was to give this try, he might find himself a spot on the PGA Tour pretty damn easy. -- John Royal

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