Terry Sims: Amazing Mumford Wannabe Fails to Make Meth Disappear

Apparently Terry Michael Sims enjoys his meth and doesn't much care who knows it. Earlier this week, the 33-year-old Tyler man evidently made a spectacle of himself in public, and police in the town of Huntington were called out to investigate a report of an intoxicated man. (And it's apparent from his mugshot that he's been indulging in something stouter than Mountain Dew.)

Little did they know that they would soon come face-to-face with a most cunning (alleged) speed freak.

Huntington Police Chief Bobby Epperly Jr. told Lufkin TV station KTRE that when one of his officers arrived on the scene, Sims was seen to stuff something in his left pants pocket and then start shaking his left leg. Presto! Change-O! A la peanut butter sandwiches! No more meth!

Unfortunately for Sims, he was even less successful than the Amazing Mumford, because when the cop reached Sims, there was that bag of crystal meth, still sitting there at Sims's feet.

On further investigation, it was discovered that Sims had cut a hole in his left pants pocket, and even more investigation uncovered a backpack full of pants, each of which also had holes snipped in their left front pockets. Police believe that Sims put them there to make his drugs go away should the need arise.

Since the holes he snipped were just plain holes and not wormholes to alternate dimensions, as he apparently hoped, Sims is charged with possession of a controlled substance, tampering with evidence and unlawful use of a criminal instrument.

While we think Sims's alleged actions were undeniably moronic, given what we were given of the facts of the case, the last two of those charges seem harsh and kinda bogus.

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John Nova Lomax
Contact: John Nova Lomax