Well, this week's game card should be the final Battle-Drink Bingo card of the 2012 season. Assuming the Texans win this Sunday against the Vikings, that means the final game against the Colts would hold no meaning (possibly for either team), so cobbling together a Battle-Drink centered around the exploits of T.J. Yates, Justin Forsett, and DeVier Posey is not exactly how I feel like spending my holiday week.
So buckle up and get ready, kids! This could (should) be the final Battle-Drink of the season. And let's add a Christmas twist and make the drink of choice for the "SHOT" column egg nog, or if you want to get really crazy, go with the Nard-dog's Christmas favorite, the Nog-a-sake!
A few of this week's new wrinkles:
B4: Coaches sons play for Rice mention Interesting little quirk to this matchup on Sunday -- the two head coaches both have sons who play football for Rice University. Gary Kubiak's son, Klein, is a junior wide receiver/kick returner (who I'm guessing runs precise routes, has good hands, and possesses a high football IQ). Vikings coach Leslie Frazier's son, Cory, is a senior defensive back who missed this season with a knee injury, but plans on returning for a fifth year next season. Both were in studio with me and John Granato on Thursday and both have clearly gone to their father's respective schools in dealing with the media -- no trash talk, no betting on the game, lots of deference and compliments for the other side. Really pissed me off. I wanted a fight!
I5: Reference to Foster buying segways If you're a skill guy in the backfield (quarterback, running back), it's only right, hell it's downright advisable, that you take care of the fat guys in front of you. Arian Foster took Christmas giving to a whole new (weird) level this year, giving each of his offensive linemen Segways. When asked why he decided to turn loose a half dozen 300 pounders on wheels, Foster said:
"Guys like Chris Myers and (Duane) Brown and Wade Smith, they're always getting on me about riding my Segway. 'You can't walk? You're too good to walk?' I was like, 'No, man. I would just rather ride wheels.' I saw a little jealousy in their eyes when they were talking about me, so I figured I'd get all the linemen a gift."
Now, when you pray on Christmas Eve, of course thank God for the birth of our Lord and Savior, but also pray that these massive human beings are able to balance on these contraptions and nobody tears an ACL.
N2: Reliant new video board mention In the ongoing battle to see whose
dick video board is bigger (because in Texas second biggest video board is first loser!), the Texans announced that the county will be paying for a video board that is bigger than the monstrosity that hangs above the field in JerryWorld. The hope is that people will be able to see replays better the video board will convince the league that Houston is serious about landing the Super Bowl in 2017. And as long as whoever is deciding on awarding the Super Bowl doesn't need to dry their hands in the paper towel deprived Reliant bathrooms, then things should go swimmingly!
G2: Christian Ponder marries Sam Steele mention To start each week during the season, the workload is usually relatively light for NFL players. Monday, a little film work, and then Tuesday, usually a day off. In their off time, some players do radio or TV shows. Some players unwind and play video games. Some players sleep. Vikings quarterback Christian Ponder? Well, he gets married! On Monday, Ponder married ESPN sideline reporter/studio host/Erin Andrews 2.0 Samantha Steele. Hey, if you're going to hurriedly marry a woman you just met three months ago, best that it be a sexy, funny, sports loving television personality. (I am a big Sam Steele fan.) Now, the fact that it all happened so quickly, naturally had the Twitterverse wondering if Steele was having a boy or girl, which led to....
G3: Sam Steele denies pregnancy on Twitter ....these tweets from Steele:
Twitter is so tricky. Who knew that "she's pregnant" & "they'll be divorced soon" are just the 2012 version of "congrats"! Thx guys! :)
— Samantha Steele (@Samantha_Steele) December 19, 2012
All reports of a babybump are false and offensive. All reports of a foodbump are true and offensive :)
— Samantha Steele (@Samantha_Steele) December 19, 2012
G4: J.J. Watt philanthropy mention J.J. Watt is a great player, but even a better person. You can't turn around in this city without hearing a story of Watt's generosity, whether it's attending charity functions, reading to grade schoolers, or hanging with the Berry kids. J.J. Watt is a gift to the city of Houston, and if his generosity is going to get mentioned then we may as well have him indirectly give all of you the gift of drunkenness!
O4: Adrian Peterson stiff handshake mention This one seems kind of random, but trust me, Adrian Peterson's handshake has a gangster's reputation...
O5: Adrian Peterson goes over 200 yards rushing Adrian Peterson needs 294 yards to break Eric Dickerson's single season rushing record. It wouldn't be a total shock to see him eat up a decent chunk of that against the Texans, but 200 yards would seem a little crazy. So if things get a little crazy, you are all going down with the ship.
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