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SHOW ME HOW
University personnel have been tight-lipped about what the dang thing is — they would only say Monday that the 27-pound cardboard box contained something radioactive "used for research purposes" and that is "routinely" sent to universities. (Sure, it's routinely sent — but is it routinely lost?)
We figured the mystery box would turn up under a couch cushion, by the remote and an old scratch-off ticket. Either that, or it'd be turned in by an A&M employee who now has superpowers. But it turns out the glowing, humming red sphere (we're guessing) "was found in one of our secure hazardous material storage facilities," according to an A&M press release issued Tuesday. "The package was unopened, undamaged and in its original shipping condition. The package is safe for transportation and storage and the community was never in any danger.”
The university stated Monday that "We obviously want to locate this package as quickly as possible because it does contain radioactive material, but we hasten to add it doesn’t present a health threat to the community provided the contents, which are secured in a box with two layers of inner containment, are not disturbed."
We're relieved, because we haven't been this paranoid since The Great Halliburton Radioactive Rod Scare of '12. Why do some people have so much trouble holding onto their packages? We certainly don't.