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Texas GOP: Thou Shalt Not Go Down On Your Husband, Wife Or Significant Other

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The Texas GOP wrapped up their state convention recently, and adopted a platform that includes the usual stuff about Speak English, Dammit, about showing the Ten Commandments in public schools, and all the other hot-button issues they like to push.

One thing they don't like: Oral sex.

"We demand that Congress exercise its authority granted by the U.S. Constitution to withhold jurisdiction from the federal courts from cases involving sodomy," the platform says.

We're sure they're just talking about those nasty, sinful, depraved homos, but are we to believe no Republican at that convention enjoys oral sex even in its heterosexual forms?

"We oppose the legalization of sodomy," they proudly announce. Which may be why they all seem so angry all the time.

Here's their nuanced take on gays, by the way:

We believe that the practice of homosexuality tears at the fabric of society, contributes to the breakdown of the family unit, and leads to the spread of dangerous, communicable diseases. Homosexual behavior is contrary to the fundamental, unchanging truths that have been ordained by God, recognized by our country's founders, and shared by the majority of Texans.

Homosexuality must not be presented as an acceptable "alternative" lifestyle in our public education and policy, nor should "family" be redefined to include homosexual "couples."

We are opposed to any granting of special legal entitlements, refuse to recognize, or grant special privileges including, but not limited to: marriage between persons of the same sex (regardless of state of origin), custody of children by homosexuals, homosexual partner insurance or retirement benefits.

We oppose any criminal or civil penalties against those who oppose homosexuality out of faith, conviction, or belief in traditional values.

Ah, the Big Tent of the Texas GOP -- everyone's welcome, as long as they stick to the missionary position and get it over with as soon as possible.

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