Let a veteran city help you out, Metroplex

Texas Rangers: World Series Tips From A Town That's Been There

Tonight begins what -- to fans of the Peter Sellers movie

The Mouse That Roared

-- will always be known as the "so-called World Series."

It (the Series, not the movie) features the Texas Rangers and the San Francisco Giants. If you wanted a Red State/Blue State type of dichotomy, we think you got it.

But we're here to talk baseball. The Metroplex is all a-flutter over the Rangers' appearance, especially since the Cowboys look like they're headed to sweet disastrous irrelevance this year.

Here in Houston, of course, we've already had a World Series. It's old hat to us. Being the generous sorts we are, here are five tips on hosting the Series.

5. Don't get swept
Really. It kinda sours the whole experience.

4. Get ready for the downtown streets to throb with excitement
Oh, that's right -- you don't have a downtown baseball stadium. You have a stadium way out in the middle of suburban nowhere. Well, maybe you can tailgate or something.

3. Get ready to open the stadium roof for terrific temperatures
Again, we stand corrected -- you don't have a retractable roof, apparently because it's much, much colder in the mall-infested prairies of Arlington than it is in Houston. Well, get ready to celebrate, Metroplex: You're getting a whole additional week of weather meant for outdoor baseball!! In addition to the two weeks of the season you otherwise get.

2. Pick only the best National Anthem singers, ones who really represent you
Don't let the networks foist someone on you that doesn't let the world know you've produced some great acts. Just as a for instance in 2005 the games here featured Houston legends Michael McDonald and Jon Secada, both of whom may have visited the city previously, we're not sure.

1. Don't get swept
Really, we just can't emphasize this one enough.

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