The summer of 2011 has been crushing in Texas: a historic drought that shows no signs of ending, a record-setting heat wave that is unprecedented.
But think positive, people!!
You can bitch about the heat or you can take advantage of it. Sexual advantage. Here are the 10 sexiest things about this current hell:
10. Ice cream cones can melt in lickable places A nice big drop in the cleavage or between a cut and buff chest? Start it up with a nice, slow, suggestive lick to help the dripper clean up.
9. People are wearing fewer clothes That shapely neighbor out watering the lawn? She may be doing it in a bikini top. He may be going shirtless. You don't see that in February.
8. Frosted nipples For the men (and lesbians): Woman wearing light cotton shirts coming from the steam outside to the freezing a/c inside may sprout what overaged frat boys call headlights. It's like free porn, right in your office!
7. Showers should be shared We're under mandatory water-conservation rules, people. Do your duty and shower together and soap each other up and....
6. Cheapest icebreaker ever Offer a good-looking potential hook-up a cold bottle of water, and they will think you are a life-saving hero. Your foot's in the door!
5. Embrace the sweat Ever see Body Heat? Considered one of the sexiest movies ever made. People are dripping sweat throughout. Embrace the earthiness, the slipperiness, the rude naturalness of it all.
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4. Running through sprinklers You're walking down the street with your mate, and someone decides to run through a sprinkler. It's fun, it's nostalgia, it's refreshingly innocent, it will leave someone with a wet T-shirt.
3. Face it, you're stuck inside There's only so much What Not To Wear and preseason football to watch. You'll have to think of other ways to entertain yourself in the cozy, comfortable atmosphere of your place.
2. Suntan lotion: Universal invitation to sex You definitely don't want to take a risk and not cover every part of your swimsuit-exposed body with lovingly applied suntan lotion. Especially the parts you can't reach. Looks like you need a little help....
1. It's easier to tempt someone into a margarita or three "Why no, I don't have any Gatorade, but I have just finished mixing up this icy margarita..."