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The 2008 MTV Movie Awards Turn Back the Clock

So I totally do not know what the kids are listening to or even watching as I’m gettin’ a little long in the tooth, at least as far as MTV is concerned. (I remember the first video I ever saw on MTV was a-ha’s “Take On Me,” and I’m kind of willing to bet whoever is currently in charge of programming at the “music” channel was probably nursing on his mama’s teat when that vid first hit the screens.)

Anyhoo, in a pathetic effort to remain current for the purposes of this blog, I poured myself a Jim Beam and Diet Coke and settled in to watch the MTV Movie Awards last night, and I was somewhat befuddled by the fact that…I actually recognized the great majority of the people on screen.

First of all, the event was hosted by Mike Myers, shamelessly pimping his new film (which I will not name here, so disgusted was I by his pimping). Now granted, Mike is still a current star, but were you as shocked as I was when he hauled Dana Carvey out of the retirement home and actually did a freaking Wayne’s World sketch? I’m sure Ellen Page and Shia LaBeouf were scratching their heads in confusion as the two grown men schwinged their way through the somewhat amusing bit, but personally, I felt like pulling out a baby doll dress and my old Nirvana CDs.

The retro vibe continued as Johnny Depp received two awards, looking as totally babelicious as he ever did back in the “21 Jump Street” days. Could that black shirt have been any tighter? Could that grin have been any more devastating? Meow, mommy like.

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Not as hot (in my opinion) but equally old-timey was Crazy Cruise awarding Adam Sandler the cheesily-titled MTV Generation Award. Cruise credited Sandler for giving him the idea to dance in his underwear in Risky Business, a movie that I’m almost positive Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens have never even heard of, much less seen. The whole vibe was so 80s/mid 90s, it was like I almost expected Sarah Jessica Parker to show up in her get-up from the “Square Pegs” days.

Old Man River Will Smith reminisced over the first time he’d shown up at the MTV Awards (“I was here back in 1988…” when Diablo Cody was just a ten-year-old kid growing up in Illinois and yours truly was making out with Michael J. Fox in my mind), and Jason Bateman and Robert Downey Jr. made the presenter rounds, taking me back to a simpler time when you could count on Downey being totally f-ed up everywhere he went. Hell, even the winner for Best Movie was Transformers.

I don’t know what to make of all this. On the one hand, I felt oddly comforted by the old home week vibe of the MTV Awards. On the other hand, the fact that I remember all this shit from the first time around reminds me that I ain’t getting any younger. I mean, what’s next, a remake of “90210”? Oh…yeah. – Jennifer Mathieu

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