The Best, Most Dramatic Walmart Lawsuit Ever

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Alonzo Ross is suing his local Walmart pharmacy for negligence, but it's the way he's doing it that got our attention. Instead of writing a stuffy old list of allegations, Ross decided to write a complete narrative in order to give his petition more pep. We wish more suits were written like this -- here's a portion that picks up right after Ross tried to refill some prescriptions at a Walmart on Omeara Drive (not corrected for grammar and punctation):

I was informed by a nice Latino guy that the vicodin could not be refilled until 9-11-10. he politely returned it to me and after consulting with the pharmacy manager informed me that it would take about 2 hours to refill the Amlodipine. I said okay, I'll wait. I returned to the pharmacy at about 11:45 AM...I'm very familiar with the routine so I took out my driver's license and placed it on the counter. One of the young black females said 'You know what, my back is hurting so much, I din't even feel like looking at your license. What's your name?' I said Alonzo Ross....she said "It's not ready yet...it's going to be 5 more minutes." So I returned in 5 minutes. Then she said 'It's still not ready yet...she (referring to the pharmacy manager) is gone to the restroom!' Now my heart is beating so rapidly that I'm having difficulty breathing....

By now, I'm losing it. So I snatched my Amlodipine and put one in my mouth to tru to stop my heart from beating so rapidly. Then I asked 'Is there a manager here?...I would like to voice a complaint.' The girl with the back problem pointed to the pharmacy manager who was looking up at the Wild Blue Yonder at God knows what shuffling papers pretending to be busy. Two more brand new young black females are laughing and one of them said 'Customer Service is over there!' So I'm walking toward Customer Service and I feel like I'm having a heart attack. I'm about to die. My father died of a heart attack at the age of 54. I'm 58.

That's when Ross says he plopped down onto one of the store's scooters, which he rode to his truck "and drove home to lie down. When I lay down for a few minutes my heart started beating very rapidly again. So I called 911."

Ross writes that he was rushed to the hospital where he very narrowly escaped death. And he's worried the same thing could happen to other Walmart pharmacy shoppers, positing, "If those black females did me lik that, how many others went through the same thing? And to think, at a time when millions of people are begging and pleading for jobs. What a sickening thought!!! And what a crying shame!!!"

In addition to exclamation-point-fever, Ross says he's suffered severe headaches and chest pains, irregular heartbeat, acute angina, and swelling and numbness of his legs and feet. We're still not sure how exactly Walmart supposedly caused this, but we give Ross points for creativity.

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