The Super Bowl is about more than just gorging ourselves on lite beer and fatty foods before calling in sick to work on Monday: it's about terrorism, and transsexualism, and the dread that comes from knowing your bookie is going to have your legs broken because Whisenhunt called for a meaningless 4th-quarter field goal, allowing Arizona to beat the spread. The following movies address some of these cherished big-game themes.
5. Where the Buffalo Roam (1980)
The big game Hunter S. Thompson was supposed to cover is mostly an afterthought here, as apparently was any attempt to make Bill Murray physically resemble HST, or the movie's own legacy following Gilliam's superior 1998 effort or last year's documentary Gonzo.
4. Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (1994)
Private investigators looking into the disappearance of Sean Young should probably start with Ace Ventura, her last known big screen whereabouts. But hey, at least there's one alternate dimension where Dan Marino finally got a ring.
3. The Sum of All Fears (2002)
It was the Super Bowl in the book. Here, I think it's just a regular season NFL game. What's important, however, is the lesson imparted by director Phil Alden Robinson and Tom Clancy: that it's perfectly safe to wander around ground zero a few hours after a nuclear attack.
2. Heaven Can Wait (1978)
Truth is stranger than fiction. In the film, a professional QB is reincarnated as a wealthy industrialist who buys the Rams and convinces his old trainer to let him lead them to the Super Bowl. In reality, all the Rams needed was a Bible-thumping former grocery stockboy/ex-Arena Leaguer with a hard-on for opposing stem cell research to get them their first NFC championship.
1. Black Sunday (1977)
One can almost imagine a young Osama bin Laden watching this movie and thinking to himself, "Man, blimps are way too slow to cause any serious damage to the Jew-loving West. Commercial airliners are definitely the way to go." I guess what I'm trying to say is: John Frankenheimer is directly responsible for 9-11.
-- Pete Vonder Haar
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