The Honorable Gentleman From Tyler, Fighting The Illegal Hordes


! Things will get tougher for pesky border-crossers in Texas if any of Rep. Leo Berman’s (R-Tyler)


illegal alien bills filed Monday pass. And if they don’t, then he might just have to run for governor – or at least that’s what he told the

Austin American-Statesman


Among the reforms called for in the bills are requirements that all official state documents be written only in English, and that public schools identify the citizenship status of every kid in class.

“We want to be able to tell our congressmen and our senators and the President of the United States how much we’re actually spending to build new school buildings for the children of illegal aliens who are [paying] little or no taxes to build those buildings,” Berman told Hair Balls (in English, of course).

But if the bills pass, those little rugrats would face challenges before they were old enough for kindergarten: Berman doesn’t want the state issuing birth certificates to children born in Texas unless at least one of the parents is a citizen. This seems to fly in the face of federal law, which grants citizenship to any kid born here.

On the flipside, one of the bills would benefit people who shoot illegal aliens -- or it would help at least two of them, anyway. Berman wants amnesty for U.S. Border Patrol agents Ignacio Ramos and Jose Compean, who in 2006 were convicted in the shooting of a drug smuggler they were chasing on foot. They received 11- and 12-year sentences. (According to the bill, Ramos has been assaulted by some of his fellow inmates – which is, like, totally not fair).

We’re just glad to see that Berman’s not afraid to confront illegal immigration, which, as we’ve all learned in the past few weeks, is the single-biggest reason our economy is imploding.

-- Craig Malisow

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