The Lord Taketh Away

Okay, all of you Vince Young-is-awesome-the-Texans-really-screwed-the-pooch-go-Titans fans. God has heard you.

And He’s just as sick of you as I am.

Vince Young has been chosen to be the cover boy for Madden NFL 2008. And you know what happens to the Madden NFL cover boys, don’t you?

It’s called the Madden Curse.

The Madden Curse is kind of like the Sports Illustrated cover jinx. Once you appear on the cover, you get injured or your performance drops dramatically. (However, it should be noted that the SI cover jinx doesn’t seem to apply to the swimsuit models.)

Sure, you’re a little skeptical. But let’s go the Internets – if you can’t trust the information on the Internets, then what can you trust? The 2007 Madden NFL cover boy was Shaun Alexander. He missed six games last season with a broken foot. The 2006 cover boy was Donovan McNabb, who spent the season feuding with Terrell Owens, then was lost after week nine because of a hernia.

Okay, just a coincidence you’re thinking. Well, I’m not done.

Ray Lewis of the Ravens graced the 2005 cover. His numbers were down, and he did not record an interception for the first time in his pro career. Ron Mexico, I mean Michael Vick, was the 2004 cover boy. He missed the first eleven games of the season with a broken leg. And Marshall Faulk was the Madden NFL 2003 cover. Faulk didn’t miss any games, but he had his worst season since 1996, and he rushed for 430 less yards than the previous season. Then there’s Daunte Culpepper who missed four games because of injury and threw for 1300 less yards and 19 less TDs than the previous season. Eddie George graced the 2001 cover. His season was fine, but the next year he rushed for a career-low 939 yards on only 3 yards per carry.

Madden NFL 2000 was the first version with a player on the cover. That player was Barry Sanders. He promptly retired. Sanders was replaced by the Packers’ Dorsey Levens. Who? Exactly. The Packers cut him in 2001 and he retired in 2004.

Like I said, God’s sick of you people yapping about Vince Young. And He’s sick of you bitching about the Texans failure to draft him. So He’s putting Young on the cover of Madden NFL 2008. He’s giving you a year without Vince so that you can get your priorities straight. Like, put no other god before Him. Or, if you like the Titans so damn much then move to Nashville. And the mistake the Texans made was not drafting Reggie Bush. Why do you think He gave the team the number one pick for? It certainly wasn’t so that the Texans backfield would be shared by Ron Dayne, Wali Lundy and Samkon Gado.

Oh, and one more thing: that Gary Kubiak is a genius with the quarterback thing, well, He wants me to remind you that John Elway and Steve Young were great before Kubiak became a coach, and Jake Plummer, Brian Griese, and David Carr should be enough to put an end to that whole genius thing.

That’s all. -- John Royal

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