Believe it or not, going 2-14 in 2013 does come with some privileges for your Houston Texans.
Privileges beyond the right to select Jadeveon Clowney with the first overall pick, privileges beyond the right to select first in every round after that (S'ua-Filo! Fiodorowicz!), privileges beyond the right to finally purge an entire coaching staff which had become stale and whose methods had become futile.
Indeed, a 2-14 season has rights that drift into the following season, like a pungent poop stench hanging in the bathroom for another few months, specifically the first crack at any scrubs that find their way onto the waiver wire during training camp.
As a result, the Texans will shop and shop and shop some more for bargains, and at this pace they should break the single season record for most players to ever spend at least one day on an NFL team's roster.
Hell, at this pace, they should break it by the middle of August!
To that end, meet the newest Houston Texan, wide receiver and return man extraordinaire (at one time, at least) Joe Adams!
Adams was a fourth round pick in the 2012 NFL Draft out of Arkansas by the Carolina Panthers and was thought to be one of those "high ceiling, high impact" type picks that has everyone at the desk on ESPN's draft coverage gushing about how smart the Carolina GM is because of THE IMPACT THAT JOE ADAMS CAN HAVE ON SPECIAL TEAMS!!!
And it's easy to see why they would've thought that. Remember this play in 2011 against Tennessee?
Joe Adams, by my count, became the first player to ever make more than eleven guys miss on one play. (And to be fair, with Derek Dooley as their head coach, there's a decent chance there were 13 or 14 Vols on the field.) That Adams return was the closest resemblance I can remember to a Tecmo Bowl play, where defenders are sliding around pathetically at the feet of the ball carrier, like a bunch of groggy six year olds on a Slip N Slide at a pizza party....
So I am putting my flag in the nickname right now. If any other Houston media member uses it, they heard it HERE first people....from now on, Joe Adams will be known in these city limits as TECMO JOE!
Oh, by the way, Adams is available because apparently he treated the ball like it was some sort of coked up porcupine during his time in Carolina, fumbling repeatedly, and eventually winding up playing last season in Canada.
So there's that.
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Oh, the Texans also signed some dude, a tackle, named Brice Schwab, who frankly I hope doesn't make the team only because his last name is a reminder of the-QB-whom-shall-not-be-named.
My advice in all this -- don't get too attached to either of these guys.
But if you do, and they get cut, don't worry. There will be like five new Texans by the end of the weekend.