Back in the day, cars were cars. Huge, hilariously oversized, impractically massive, cars.
The land yachts of yore -- the Caddys, the Mercurys, etc. -- made no bones about "fuel efficiency" or "miles per gallon" or "ability to park." They were giant movable land masses, and you were a god just by being behind the wheel.
And, of course, those car makers advertised their goods to get you to buy. Here are six classic TV ads foisting incredibly wasteful gas-guzzlers on the public:
The opening shots of this ad emphasize the most important thing about the car: You could land a Cessna on the front hood. After that, it tediously takes us through testimony by a group of chauffeurs with names and an ethnic mix right out of some B-movie WWII platoon.
Comes complete with spooky cult-like chorus telling you "this one is the leader."
Oil crisis? What oil crisis? "Some luxury cars are smaller than last year, but Lincoln retains its traditional luxury-car size." Takethat
The is supposed to be a sporty car, but it looks like you need to pack a lunch to walk from the passenger side to the driver side. On the other hand "Mercury Cougar" is apparently "the password for action in the `70s." Which we think means sex.
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We don't know what has a bigger wingspan -- the car or Palmer's shirt collar. Great ad pitches in history, part XXXXVII: Arnie touting the things he loves about his Caddy. "The new instrument panel, for one thing -- I like the way it looks, and the way it organizes things."
They just don't make songs like this for commercials anymore. Enjoy these bloated contraptions driving down New York streets, probably looking for two empty side-by-side parking spaces so they can fit. And revel in your view of "the world's most fashionable station wagon."