4

The Nuge. ‘Nuff Said.

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Listen up, people, and listen well, because no one is ever gonna take The Nuge’s words out of context again. The Nuge just put the stranglehold on the folks behind the Muskegon (Michigan) Summer Celebration, where, in 2003, the Atrocious Theodocious was supposed to sacrifice his axe upon the Altar of Rock after blowing the minds of fans who came for bone-splitting fretwork and funnel cake.

However, those blue-state affirmative action agitators got their panties in a knot after The Nuge dropped the N-bomb on some two-bit Denver radio show. They nixed The Nuge’s performance, depriving the people in Muskegon who aren’t politically correct thought police of their Great White Buffalo-given right to treat their cat scratch fever with a prescription of balls-out rawk.*

Apparently, The Nuge recounted a story where, when he was just proving himself as The Chosen One and had not yet been anointed as The World’s Only Guitar God, a black member of a black band that played black music for black people, told The Nuge something like, “That n---- can sure play!”

And you know what? Deadly Tedly later apologized if his recounting of that story offended any listeners who were offended by an anecdote they’d never hear on “All Things Considered” – which, by the way, is heavily underwritten by NAMBLA.

So The Motor-City Madman did what any patriotic, bow-hunting American would do: he sued festival officials for libel, slander and breach of contract. Well, the judge (most likely part of a sleeper-cell of vegan polar-icecap-loving Al Gore drones infiltrating the once-hallowed halls of justice) threw out everything but breach of contract. The Nuge won, of course, because, like the mighty spirit of the Indians (the shirtless ones, not the casino ones) he had justice on his side.

But today, KWTX reports that the Michigan Court of Appeals last week rejected The Nuge’s demand that the festival party-poopers cover his court costs.

The crazy thing is: The Nuge is anything but racist. The only kind of Klan The Nuge would belong to is one that hunts wild boar and appreciates a sweet ‘stache, no matter what race, creed or color that ‘stache is. So although Michigan’s high court rejected the Waco Warrior’s appeal, The Nuge is still victorious. The Nuge won’t let anyone push him around, be it the folks behind the Muskegon Summer Festival, or the forces behind The Great Texas Mosquito Festival in Clute. The Nuge has put his foot down. And, lest you hadn’t heard -- it’s a mighty, mighty foot. – Craig Malisow

*Side effects include ass-shakin’, sweet poontang-dangin’, and the urge to kill a twelve-point buck with your bare hands. Ask your doctor if this is the right course of treatment for you.

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