The Petrino Diaries: Meeting Notes, Personnel Files and Other Salacious Details Revealed!

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Reason number 5,214,819 that the Internet is awesome: You can get entire scripts of virtually any movie online. FREE!

While this may not sound cool, it comes in handy when trying to figure out what movie certain famous lines are from or figuring out the names of obscure characters. One thing about the scripts online is that they typically include deleted scenes, which, depending on how vivid your imagination is, can be somewhat surreal to read.

Thanks to the Freedom of Information Act in Arkansas, we are now privy to the handwritten notes of UA Athletics Director Jeff Long from his recent discovery meetings with Bobby Petrino and Petrino's mistress Jessica Dorrell, which uncover some vivid, hilarious and pathetic details of the Petrino/Dorrell affair.

Indeed, these notes are the "Internet movie script" of the Razorback Love Affair.

If you want the full copies of Bobby Petrino's personnel file, the notes from Long's meetings and even some contract documents, they are now out there to be had.

If you are looking for a SportsCenter-style summary of the highlights, well, that's why I'm here!

Phone records show contact between Petrino and Dorrell dating back to April 2011, but according to Long's notes, Petrino told him the two became intimate for approximately five months from around September 2011 through February of this year, at which time they decided to become "just friends" so that Dorrell and Petrino would be deluding themselves into thinking that feel like she "earned" the paid position on Petrino's staff which she recently vacated in the wake of their April 1 motorcycle accident.

So essentially on April 1, if indeed their relationship were over (more on this in a minute), Petrino was theoretically taking a "fellow employee" for a ride on his motorcycle, not his mistress. By that way of thinking, it's perfectly feasible to think that Long himself may have been offered a Sunday ride the next week from Petrino, although Long himself was not falling for it, scrawling rhetorical questions on his notepad like:

• "If the relationship was over, why get on (the) bike?"

• "Why would she say she expected the relationship to continue if the motorcrash didn't occur"

And jotting down phrases reaffirming the fact that Petrino was lying to him all along:

• "You knew when you hired her."

• "You knew on Sunday (the day of the crash)."

• "You knew when I visited you in (the) hospital (the day following the accident)."

The leap for Petrino and Dorrell from casual friendship to secret lovers is a heartwarming story for the ages. Apparently, Dorrell and Petrino were out to lunch one day sitting in a car when Dorrell asked Petrino, "Are you going to kiss me?" (Forgive me if all I can picture are those Sonic commercials right now where the couples sit in the front of the car and weave their amazement at the tastiness of the Banana Split Blast into a thinly veiled expression of love.)

The notes make it unclear when the relationship turned sexual, although I'm guessing it was sometime within about five minutes after the word "me" in Dorrell's kissing inquisition. Dorrell said the two went on to be intimate about four to six times, which, if you've seen American Pie 2, you know means it was more like 12 to 18 times. Rule of three!

Also detailed in Long's notes are some tasty morsels (literally!) about Petrino's generosity in the gift department. In addition to the $20,000 the coach gave Dorrell to purchase a new car, Petrino frequently gave Dorrell candy, specifically Hot Tamales, which gives a whole new meaning to the "taking candy from a creepy older man" phenomenon.

Long's notes show an athletics director who was actually still trying to find reasons to keep the highly successful Petrino despite a lengthy list of contract violations. "Help me understand why these are not violations of your contract," Long asked Petrino.

In the end, Petrino's answers weren't nearly enough for Long to stick his neck out for him anymore. The money shot came when Petrino eventually admitted that his relationship with Dorrell had continued past February and was still ongoing on that fateful Sunday in early April that the mysterious "gust of wind" sent the two lovers tumbling into a woodpile.

When asked why they were out riding together, in a fitting double entendre, Petrino said because the two of them "had always said they would go for a ride."


Listen to Sean Pendergast on 1560 The Game from 6 a.m. to 11 a.m. weekdays, and watch the simulcast on Comcast 129 from 6 a.m. to 7:30 a.m. Also, follow him on Twitter at http://twitter.com/SeanCablinasian.

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